This time of the year has become difficult. I can’t deny the entire past year has been arduous. Ironic, how fall has always been one of my favorite seasons but with it now comes the constant reminder of what was happening this time just last year.
I will not forget October 25 and the sixteen days that followed before her death. Those few moments when my mom’s car slid off the road and changed our lives forever are etched into my heart and woven through every emotion.
My dad passed away in November, also. I don’t want to believe November is the cause or that fall can no longer be one of my favorite seasons. But it seems beyond my ability today not to relate the season with the heartbreak of being a parentless child.
Feeling more than adrift this last year, I have done a great deal of thinking, writing, weeping, and struggling. It seems as if there is a firm delineation in my mind: Before the car accident and after. Life without mom is tough. Not that I was expecting her to be in my life forever. I understand the circle of life. And because she had cancer I knew the day would come. Perhaps, I didn’t understand the exact impact of a daughter dealing with the loss of a mother. How different it is than the loss of any other. But, it does appear to be dissimilar to any other.
The gratitude I have is that I had a fabulous relationship with my mom. She had a special way about her. Each of her kids had a unique relationship with her. There was something different and special about each of our bonds. We each have something different we have taken into our lives because of her. That tells me how exceptional she was and how lucky we all are to have had the parents we had and the memories they left for us.
November 10 is around the corner…and it is looming in my mind. I think back to this day last year and remember being at the hospital. I remember my son going to a local Halloween carnival instead of his usual ritual of trick or treating in our neighborhood because we were there instead. I remember thinking as much as I didn’t want to leave the hospital she would have wanted her grandson to enjoy a few hours away. And I remember believing she was going to be okay.
It seems my thoughts are too random right now to piece things together. I will get there. That is another quality she provided…..the ability to triumph no matter how grave the situation.
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” ~ Pericles
October 30, 2010
October 25, 2010
Feeling out of words today….I know, hard to believe. So I want to share one of my all time favorites that I’ve given to clients and friends for years……
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same placebut, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. My eyes are openI know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same placebut, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. My eyes are openI know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
October 19, 2010
Hope?
Today feels different than the three-hundred thirty before. Something changed on Sunday when I was sitting on my bed crying while having a conversation with my baby daddy. Something was different when I woke up on Monday. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. But when I woke up today I recognized what I have that was absent for nearly the last year. I believe today I have hope.
In my fear of going astray again as I have recently, I am not getting as excited as I suppose I could. But today isn’t as grey as a week ago. And I am inspired.
In my fear of going astray again as I have recently, I am not getting as excited as I suppose I could. But today isn’t as grey as a week ago. And I am inspired.
So it shall be....
October 17, 2010
Slight Modification
I am on the last day of this detox/cleanse that I kindly refer to as “the devil”. While sipping my non-caffeinated herb tea and pondering the events of this past week, I smile at the irony of my life.
This morning my Sonshine and I had an in-depth discussion about self control. The concept is one he is taught at Catholic school daily. One he struggles with from time to time. At home, apparently because I want to ruin his life, I have a point system he lives by. Where that boy inherited the trait of being dramatic escapes me.....cough...cough. Points equal a monetary value. When he doesn’t score the highest point we have talks like the one we had this morning where I am told how this point system interferes with his life. And I confidently tell him about how life works.
The irony is that I view myself as a rule follower. But following rules isn’t that easy, is it miss thang? (that is the voice in my own head talking to myself about me!)
This detox/cleanse….well, I need to begin calling it a Modified Detox/Cleanse…or MDC…from this point forward. Who modified it, you might ask? My doctor? My nutritionist? My best friend? My mechanic? Nope, nope, uh-uh, and no!
It was me. I found not chewing a little difficult. So, while I still took all the supplements as scheduled, said goodbye to caffeine, stopped sugars (spice and all things nice), and juiced my 87 pounds of vegetables each day….I also ate! Yes, I did. I had a salad the second day. I had three chips with salsa the third day, another salad on the fourth and will probably have another one today. As a matter of fact, I am going to a wedding tonight….and I might even lick the icing off the fork of a friend...or someone I want to make friends with (wink wink)!
Funny, I think back to my mom in this instance. She was diabetic. She called my sister Nurse Ratchet because she monitored her exercise and food intake strictly. And when I was with her I let her slide some. If she wanted something deemed “bad” by a doctor I would order it for me and let her have a few bites. Maybe that is why I was her favorite child!
….My siblings don’t generally read my blog so I feel confident saying that here….but don't tell them I proclaimed this publicly as it might be a slight overzealous idea....
All in all, though, I feel okay about the seven days of change. I didn’t follow the rules exactly. Maybe I am not as rigid or black and white as I once thought. This actually gives me a great deal of hope in many other areas of my life where I need to change.
Something to ponder….or not…
This morning my Sonshine and I had an in-depth discussion about self control. The concept is one he is taught at Catholic school daily. One he struggles with from time to time. At home, apparently because I want to ruin his life, I have a point system he lives by. Where that boy inherited the trait of being dramatic escapes me.....cough...cough. Points equal a monetary value. When he doesn’t score the highest point we have talks like the one we had this morning where I am told how this point system interferes with his life. And I confidently tell him about how life works.
The irony is that I view myself as a rule follower. But following rules isn’t that easy, is it miss thang? (that is the voice in my own head talking to myself about me!)
This detox/cleanse….well, I need to begin calling it a Modified Detox/Cleanse…or MDC…from this point forward. Who modified it, you might ask? My doctor? My nutritionist? My best friend? My mechanic? Nope, nope, uh-uh, and no!
It was me. I found not chewing a little difficult. So, while I still took all the supplements as scheduled, said goodbye to caffeine, stopped sugars (spice and all things nice), and juiced my 87 pounds of vegetables each day….I also ate! Yes, I did. I had a salad the second day. I had three chips with salsa the third day, another salad on the fourth and will probably have another one today. As a matter of fact, I am going to a wedding tonight….and I might even lick the icing off the fork of a friend...or someone I want to make friends with (wink wink)!
Funny, I think back to my mom in this instance. She was diabetic. She called my sister Nurse Ratchet because she monitored her exercise and food intake strictly. And when I was with her I let her slide some. If she wanted something deemed “bad” by a doctor I would order it for me and let her have a few bites. Maybe that is why I was her favorite child!
….My siblings don’t generally read my blog so I feel confident saying that here….but don't tell them I proclaimed this publicly as it might be a slight overzealous idea....
All in all, though, I feel okay about the seven days of change. I didn’t follow the rules exactly. Maybe I am not as rigid or black and white as I once thought. This actually gives me a great deal of hope in many other areas of my life where I need to change.
Something to ponder….or not…
October 14, 2010
Anywhere but Here....
To escape the ache
To get away from the pain
To break free from the anguish
To be anywhere but here
Where is here?
My own thoughts.
My own mind.
My own body.
Myself…..
But that is an impossible journey
No ability to flee from me
And what a difficult spot to be in when there is
No desire to be me…
To get away from the pain
To break free from the anguish
To be anywhere but here
Where is here?
My own thoughts.
My own mind.
My own body.
Myself…..
But that is an impossible journey
No ability to flee from me
And what a difficult spot to be in when there is
No desire to be me…
But getting there....one day at a time....
October 12, 2010
Day Two....not so hot!
Purification Log, Day Two
Well, the book tells me I can do 2 days, 7 days or 21. I was aiming for 7 but as the close of day 2 comes into view I wonder if this isn’t going to end as a 2 day cleanse, with one indulgence of a salad at lunch. Wow! Hard isn’t how I would describe this. It is definitely a challenge but moreover, the physical symptoms overwhelm. Who knew I had so many toxins? And that cellular level emotional stuff the book warned of has hit today. Lord, I have enough emotional surface baggage, I don’t need any to come up from the cellular level.
I don’t know the outcome yet. I know I have done as much as I can and for that I feel okay.
More to come…..
Well, the book tells me I can do 2 days, 7 days or 21. I was aiming for 7 but as the close of day 2 comes into view I wonder if this isn’t going to end as a 2 day cleanse, with one indulgence of a salad at lunch. Wow! Hard isn’t how I would describe this. It is definitely a challenge but moreover, the physical symptoms overwhelm. Who knew I had so many toxins? And that cellular level emotional stuff the book warned of has hit today. Lord, I have enough emotional surface baggage, I don’t need any to come up from the cellular level.
I don’t know the outcome yet. I know I have done as much as I can and for that I feel okay.
More to come…..
October 11, 2010
Bye-Bye Diet Dr. Pepper!
Purification log, Day One:
The word purification may be too strong. I don’t believe I will be “pure” when this is over. Oh, how I wish. Maybe, nah, on second thought….I just want to be cleansed. I covet my jadedness. I don’t want this cleanse to take that from me! Sarcasm is a second language and I like being bilingual. Besides, people who know me may tell you it might take longer than a week to make me pure again!
I have been up and moving for more than two hours. And so far it has been going well (don’t make fun of the fact that I need to track my progress after only two hours, okay?). Upon waking I had more supplements, vitamins and minerals than I have taken since the third grade. I am sure of it. I had an antioxidant drink, an herbal cleansing formula, three glasses of water, a list of enzymes longer than my hand, a prebiotic (not to be confused with the probiotic that will come later in the day), a package of supplements containing, I kid you not: fennel seed, artichoke leaf, ginger root, licorice root, peppermint leaf, garlic bulb, clove bud, pomegranate, fructooligosaccharides (I think that was all one word), curcumin, and chamomile flower…and finally washed it all down with juiced carrots and beets. And don't poo poo the carrots and beets. I picked that on purpose. It is actually a great mixture!
Now I am supposed to have more…..let me see what is next. Oh, thank goodness. It is only tea. And I am choosing green tea this time. All non-caffeinated, of course, so if I die you will know it was from caffeine withdrawal. I read the book twice and I can’t find a Diet Dr. Pepper on this list of “yes’s”. Funny, I can’t find anything I typically consume in a day on that list. While that should tell me a thing or two about the path my consumption has taken I trick my mind into believing that at the end of this I will be writing a letter to this well acclaimed doctor to tell her she should consider adding Hershey’s syrup on day three!
I am feeling upbeat and confident, as the book suggested I would. However, in that ugly place in my brain I have that impending doom feeling related to knowing the book also said that enthusiasm might pass by day three when the "grouchy" should be expected. Great! And does the doctor wonder why I am already considering making this cyclical? Two days of happiness and enthusiasm…pizza and guilt….two days of happiness and enthusiasm…pizza!
I will be back to blog if I survive the morning.
I have been up and moving for more than two hours. And so far it has been going well (don’t make fun of the fact that I need to track my progress after only two hours, okay?). Upon waking I had more supplements, vitamins and minerals than I have taken since the third grade. I am sure of it. I had an antioxidant drink, an herbal cleansing formula, three glasses of water, a list of enzymes longer than my hand, a prebiotic (not to be confused with the probiotic that will come later in the day), a package of supplements containing, I kid you not: fennel seed, artichoke leaf, ginger root, licorice root, peppermint leaf, garlic bulb, clove bud, pomegranate, fructooligosaccharides (I think that was all one word), curcumin, and chamomile flower…and finally washed it all down with juiced carrots and beets. And don't poo poo the carrots and beets. I picked that on purpose. It is actually a great mixture!
Now I am supposed to have more…..let me see what is next. Oh, thank goodness. It is only tea. And I am choosing green tea this time. All non-caffeinated, of course, so if I die you will know it was from caffeine withdrawal. I read the book twice and I can’t find a Diet Dr. Pepper on this list of “yes’s”. Funny, I can’t find anything I typically consume in a day on that list. While that should tell me a thing or two about the path my consumption has taken I trick my mind into believing that at the end of this I will be writing a letter to this well acclaimed doctor to tell her she should consider adding Hershey’s syrup on day three!
I am feeling upbeat and confident, as the book suggested I would. However, in that ugly place in my brain I have that impending doom feeling related to knowing the book also said that enthusiasm might pass by day three when the "grouchy" should be expected. Great! And does the doctor wonder why I am already considering making this cyclical? Two days of happiness and enthusiasm…pizza and guilt….two days of happiness and enthusiasm…pizza!
I will be back to blog if I survive the morning.
October 10, 2010
Time to Cleanse!
I am starting a detox/cleanse tomorrow. I read about it and threatened to do it in January. It only lasted a day. This time I have prepared for a week. On Friday I bought the supplements and vitamins I will take and today I will buy all the fresh vegetables. I think I have a good understanding about what to do each day. I am not as sure I have the ability. Even my sweet son said, “I doubt you will last until Tuesday”. Yep, his faith in mom is strong!
The idea of doing a cleansing detox may be much more exciting than actually doing one. And I hesitate to publicly proclaim such a feat for fear I won’t be able to follow through. I come from a long line of stubborn. As a matter of fact we have coined the term in my lineage when someone is acting inflexible, we say they are suffering from the “triple H”. That is the Heller Hard Head!
I have two siblings that run....on purpose....not because they are being chased by anything.... And when they are training for something or just decide they are going to run they do it every day….rain or shine, event or none. I guess I have that triple H but for me my tenacity shines through more often when trying to finish a bag of chips or cookie dough ice cream. I won’t let anything get in my way!
I have several reasons for doing this cleanse. Part of it is simply because I have been eating like a mad woman since early in the summer and want to get myself back on track to cleaner eating. There are also a few kumbaya type reasons that make sense in my head but not so much when I put them on paper….so for now I will keep those in my heart.....but the book I am getting this wisdom from encourages seeing a therapist related to the cellular level emotions that might break free during this cleanse. Oy vay! Why do I do this again?
I will keep in mind the benefits touted of this doctor from Martha's Vineyard....The ones I want: Healthier skin (just turned 41...check), potential weight loss (mmm....no before and after pictures will be posted but....check), better emotional health (have you ever read my blog?.....check), and better spiritual health (frankly, I never understand why people always claim food -or lack thereof- will make me more spiritual and I am frightened to find out if it is because I will be so hungry I will be forced to pray a lot.....but, okay....check)!
Oh, and God....I promise I will also try not to eat three pizzas today simply because I am afraid that I will starve tomorrow....agreed? Thanks!
So this is my shot at being accountable. I am doing it. I begin tomorrow. I pray to make it through the week.
Happy Cleansing!
P.S. Spell check indicated I misspelled the word "Emotions or emotional" three times. Hellooooo....God, what am I a in for?
October 07, 2010
What If.....
What if one day you woke up and were happy
And it didn’t matter the extenuating circumstances?
What if one day you cared less of what others thought of you
And believed more in what you know about you?
What if one day you did something that scared you
Just because you wanted to know how it felt?
What if one day you decided your purpose
And you pursued your dream?
What if one day you didn’t respond to criticism
Or judgment
And carried it even farther by not judging or criticizing others?
What if…..what if we had a what if day? What would you do?
What if?
And it didn’t matter the extenuating circumstances?
What if one day you cared less of what others thought of you
And believed more in what you know about you?
What if one day you did something that scared you
Just because you wanted to know how it felt?
What if one day you decided your purpose
And you pursued your dream?
What if one day you didn’t respond to criticism
Or judgment
And carried it even farther by not judging or criticizing others?
What if…..what if we had a what if day? What would you do?
What if?
October 04, 2010
Fall is in my heart
Inspired by one of the more incredible women I know, my aunt, who is a fabulous writer, I have pinpointed my recent mood shifts. I feel safe in naming the culprit: Fall. When I picked up a jacket as I walked out of the house this morning into the finally crisp fall air….I picked up the sting of what this time of year means in my heart……
The first weekend of October a year ago I celebrated my 40th birthday at a Mexican food restaurant with my family. They brought a cake and gifts to the eatery we would go to before game time each weekend UMHB played at home. I recall feeling that all was right in the world that day.
While, we were separated at the time, the father of my child (my baby daddy, my soon to be ex, the once upon a time light of my life) concocted the whole scheme to surprise me. And upon prompting from our son, who apparently was bright enough to recognize his mother needed help in the way of direction, the gift presented to me on that special day was a GPS. I have a long history of getting lost, literally and figuratively. Symbolically, that was the perfect offering. I am still looking for the GPS to guide me metaphorically through life and living with gratitude for the one with road maps given me that day.
My mom was there. She hadn’t been feeling very well but she trudged her way to the football game afterward, as well. And we have some great photos from that day with her looking as happy as ever. Who knew that less than a month later things would change so drastically?
So, here I sit on the eve of the anniversary of my 40th birthday thinking about how much has changed….wanting to feel grateful for the good stuff in my life but failing to find it. Struggling not to be a victim who believes I cannot find goodness again while acknowledging the reality of this very difficult year…..my first birthday without my mom is tomorrow. And I don’t really like that idea at all.
Feeling fall.
The first weekend of October a year ago I celebrated my 40th birthday at a Mexican food restaurant with my family. They brought a cake and gifts to the eatery we would go to before game time each weekend UMHB played at home. I recall feeling that all was right in the world that day.
While, we were separated at the time, the father of my child (my baby daddy, my soon to be ex, the once upon a time light of my life) concocted the whole scheme to surprise me. And upon prompting from our son, who apparently was bright enough to recognize his mother needed help in the way of direction, the gift presented to me on that special day was a GPS. I have a long history of getting lost, literally and figuratively. Symbolically, that was the perfect offering. I am still looking for the GPS to guide me metaphorically through life and living with gratitude for the one with road maps given me that day.
My mom was there. She hadn’t been feeling very well but she trudged her way to the football game afterward, as well. And we have some great photos from that day with her looking as happy as ever. Who knew that less than a month later things would change so drastically?
So, here I sit on the eve of the anniversary of my 40th birthday thinking about how much has changed….wanting to feel grateful for the good stuff in my life but failing to find it. Struggling not to be a victim who believes I cannot find goodness again while acknowledging the reality of this very difficult year…..my first birthday without my mom is tomorrow. And I don’t really like that idea at all.
Feeling fall.
September 30, 2010
Happy is Okay!
Things are going well lately. Consistently I have been recognizing the richness I have been given. I continue to work diligently toward stability and health. The curriculum I started is coming together and I anticipate a spring completion. The book I began some time ago has once again been abandoned but this time for something I am proud of. I began brainstorm writing two weeks ago and have gotten twenty pages into the possibility of a new direction.
The thought entered my mind, “how long until it comes to an end”? That isn’t a productive embrace of the goodness so I shan’t poop on the happiness today.
And of course, my therapy-mindedness turns to wonder about how one might pursue and keep happiness more. This is what I have managed to decide:
Eliminate or reduce stress: Lighten up a little! Not everything is serious. Life is a terminal illness, right? Why not enjoy it more? And that message is brought to you by a chronic worry wart!
Smile a little more at other people! I once heard that if you answer the telephone with a smile on your face the person calling can hear it in your voice. I also think of that insurance commercial on television where a good deed is paid forward all day…..so what if we smiled at someone else? I think our impact on others is greater than we ever realize.
Stay even: I guess the truth is that it won’t always be good. Some days are better than others. Without anxiety of the future perhaps taking the good with the bad is a decent approach. We can’t expect everyday to be the best, but we certainly can’t expect everyday to be the worst, either. Even on the bad days we can be grateful for the things we do have and less miserable about what we don’t.
Love who you are: When we aren’t happy with who we are we are over-critical of others. If you find yourself believing the world is stupid and people are idiots….that just might be about you!
And my all time favorite topic…..Find and work toward your passion and purpose.
Work daily on that purpose!
The thought entered my mind, “how long until it comes to an end”? That isn’t a productive embrace of the goodness so I shan’t poop on the happiness today.
And of course, my therapy-mindedness turns to wonder about how one might pursue and keep happiness more. This is what I have managed to decide:
Eliminate or reduce stress: Lighten up a little! Not everything is serious. Life is a terminal illness, right? Why not enjoy it more? And that message is brought to you by a chronic worry wart!
Smile a little more at other people! I once heard that if you answer the telephone with a smile on your face the person calling can hear it in your voice. I also think of that insurance commercial on television where a good deed is paid forward all day…..so what if we smiled at someone else? I think our impact on others is greater than we ever realize.
Stay even: I guess the truth is that it won’t always be good. Some days are better than others. Without anxiety of the future perhaps taking the good with the bad is a decent approach. We can’t expect everyday to be the best, but we certainly can’t expect everyday to be the worst, either. Even on the bad days we can be grateful for the things we do have and less miserable about what we don’t.
Love who you are: When we aren’t happy with who we are we are over-critical of others. If you find yourself believing the world is stupid and people are idiots….that just might be about you!
And my all time favorite topic…..Find and work toward your passion and purpose.
Work daily on that purpose!
September 27, 2010
Lifetime Memories
A million thoughts in my head.
Many voices on my mind.
So many memories of the past.
But most of them were kind.
Which to cling to and
which to toss away?
Holding to hope of promises for tomorrow
without ever disregarding those of yesterday.
September 21, 2010
Your Purpose: Part Three
And the final part.....
While in the transition to change and experiencing the discomfort I find it important to keep in mind the gifts that come with grief, the positives that come from pain and the signs in the struggle.
Grief is tiring. Oftentimes, it envelopes you entirely and it can be different for all of us. Each time we experience loss we have a grieving time. For some it can go quickly and for others it can last what feels like an eternity. This is a place that we cannot compare ourselves to others. Grief takes as long as it takes and what we need most during transition is to surround ourselves with loving people who will hold us up and provide us the loving but honest feedback necessary to move forward. The aforementioned addition that comes with loss is something to keep in focus when working through loss. Daily, when involved in grieving loss, I remind myself that things aren’t the same as they once were. While that is regularly a cheerless reminder it also helps me remember the gifts that are to be had.
Grief is tiring. Oftentimes, it envelopes you entirely and it can be different for all of us. Each time we experience loss we have a grieving time. For some it can go quickly and for others it can last what feels like an eternity. This is a place that we cannot compare ourselves to others. Grief takes as long as it takes and what we need most during transition is to surround ourselves with loving people who will hold us up and provide us the loving but honest feedback necessary to move forward. The aforementioned addition that comes with loss is something to keep in focus when working through loss. Daily, when involved in grieving loss, I remind myself that things aren’t the same as they once were. While that is regularly a cheerless reminder it also helps me remember the gifts that are to be had.
There are positives that come from pain. While working through tough times and making difficult changes I have seldom done so without sorrow; however, I adhere to the idea that often it is the painful experiences that produces some of the greatest lessons. Perhaps, human nature is responsible, but many people change only from feeling that twinge of hurt that accompanies consequence. While it sometimes can feel like torture, frequently, I hear people talk about how much they learned in the toil of growth.
Finally, there are signs in struggle. Because I believe we all have a purpose for inhabiting earth, I also believe there is a power greater than me who provides me with great signs toward that purpose if I will only follow. My vision of this is that the power greater than me sits atop a mountain watching my journey. While I can only see the road in front of me, I am provided a map, compass, and signs at every turn. It is my choice to look up and follow them or ignore them completely. And when I am honest with myself I admit that sometimes I see the signs clearly but divert from the path anyway.
Each day is an effort. Each day when working toward your purpose it is important to remind yourself of the big goal. Focus on the small signs and the short-term goals but keep the bigger picture in mind as you work. There will be a reward at the end and there will be small gifts to keep you moving forward to the destination.
Trust your purpose.
September 16, 2010
Your Purpose: Part Two
What next?
First take a look at who you really are today. This is not easy for some. Actually, it is my estimation that 70% of Americans live unconsciously. When I use the term unconscious I simply mean that they are unaware. Unaware of whom they really are, of their impact on others and of what they truly want out of life. This manifests in many forms. Some are running so fast in the routine of their lives that they simply fail to breathe in reality and explore their true desires. Others are victims who daily use statements such as, “I have no choice” to explain away the reason they cannot reach a goal that might be their passion should they awaken their spirit long enough to acknowledge it as such. Finally, there are others that are so caught in the sad state of moving ahead with material possessions that prove their worth and value to others.
First take a look at who you really are today. This is not easy for some. Actually, it is my estimation that 70% of Americans live unconsciously. When I use the term unconscious I simply mean that they are unaware. Unaware of whom they really are, of their impact on others and of what they truly want out of life. This manifests in many forms. Some are running so fast in the routine of their lives that they simply fail to breathe in reality and explore their true desires. Others are victims who daily use statements such as, “I have no choice” to explain away the reason they cannot reach a goal that might be their passion should they awaken their spirit long enough to acknowledge it as such. Finally, there are others that are so caught in the sad state of moving ahead with material possessions that prove their worth and value to others.
I do not have any heart burn with someone who owns nice things and desires to get ahead financially. I simply am heartbroken with someone embracing financial wealth or gain as the only thing that defines them as successful. Should someone prosper from living their dream that is merely icing on the metaphorical cake because they are probably also full with their life vision. I am a fan of anyone who, at the end of each day, can truly say without hesitation that they have been satisfied with themselves, all they accomplished and the life they are living. I am not a judge of what that life looks like.
Looking into a mirror of honesty is not an easy endeavor, but an imperative one to change. Once all of who you are today is examined it is then important to compare who you are today to the person you want to become. The vital concern here will be to determine how big the incongruence between who you are and who you want to become. For it is in this contrast that the work takes place.
If you have already established why you are who you are, who you want to become and the person you are currently you will be ready to put action to your purpose and passion. Because we use routine to guard against change it will be important to be daily aware that the process of change is not always comfortable. Actually, when in the process of change it is imperative to embrace the idea that uncertainty is the only certainty. And know on the front end that with any change comes loss. When you make a commitment to your purpose and passion, don’t be surprised when others aren’t in full support of your new ideas. Others objective for your life are not always your own. However, I believe this kind of loss actually results in addition (I was never good at math). I believe there is much more reward in a loss of this nature.
At this point focus on the incongruence and the nature of the changes that will need to take place to work toward living your purpose. The world is your oyster.
More to come…..
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