December 26, 2011

Decisions, Transitions, and Peace

If someone in my life could grow with confrontation and feedback, why would I choose to refrain?

So many reasons…..but those most important to the decision I have made to remove myself emotionally instead of continue to engage is simply for the protection of my own serenity and mental health.

The decision did not come easily and, on occasion, I can find myself emotionally in that toxic space again. I am thankful it is no longer daily. Some of the transitions I had to make in order to reach the decision of self-preservation were paradigm shifts in my thinking and beliefs. While difficult during engagement, they have proven to be the right decisions for the outcome I desired: Peace.

There are times I wish I had the ability to provide the feedback to the person because I see their life spiraling out of control and their circle of support diminishing. However, I must rely on the information and experience I have with these attempts. None in the past have worked. Many, including myself, have given them feedback and approached them in genuine concern and love only to be meet with aggression and resistance. On most occasions these attempts are then held against the concerned party and eventually vented back in rage and venomous attacks. While that belligerent behavior is one of the many things that cause people great concern, apparently, it will continue to work as the defense mechanism for this individual to stay sick and stuck. Who wants to be attacked when they go to a person in genuine worry and concern?

I do care about this person. I do not hold resentments. I have let go. My wish for them may never come true. I had hoped they would see their own faults and become responsible for them…and change and stay changed. But I understand my journey and theirs are not the same. I know how freeing it is to take responsibility, in word and deed, for my actions. Today that has to be enough.

Prayerful and Peaceful

December 11, 2011

Just Write Something

I have slacked in my writing lately. So I am following the simple directions of several fellow bloggers. Just write something.

It is the holiday season.....

In the past few weeks I have put up my Christmas tree then put it up again. The dear little thing fell over in the middle of the night. I lost a few ornaments. But this one remains intact. And it is a favorite.

This year I have attempted to bring a festive mood back to this time of the year for my son's sake. And I see that he is talking about his grandmother a lot more. This is our first year with Max, our dog. My Sonshine even bought him a stocking to hang on the mantel. I love his spirit of giving. He is a lot like his grandmother. That reminds me she will be with us always.

My commitment to myself (and you) is to write more often. Even if only a little.

Happy Holidays.