December 26, 2011

Decisions, Transitions, and Peace

If someone in my life could grow with confrontation and feedback, why would I choose to refrain?

So many reasons…..but those most important to the decision I have made to remove myself emotionally instead of continue to engage is simply for the protection of my own serenity and mental health.

The decision did not come easily and, on occasion, I can find myself emotionally in that toxic space again. I am thankful it is no longer daily. Some of the transitions I had to make in order to reach the decision of self-preservation were paradigm shifts in my thinking and beliefs. While difficult during engagement, they have proven to be the right decisions for the outcome I desired: Peace.

There are times I wish I had the ability to provide the feedback to the person because I see their life spiraling out of control and their circle of support diminishing. However, I must rely on the information and experience I have with these attempts. None in the past have worked. Many, including myself, have given them feedback and approached them in genuine concern and love only to be meet with aggression and resistance. On most occasions these attempts are then held against the concerned party and eventually vented back in rage and venomous attacks. While that belligerent behavior is one of the many things that cause people great concern, apparently, it will continue to work as the defense mechanism for this individual to stay sick and stuck. Who wants to be attacked when they go to a person in genuine worry and concern?

I do care about this person. I do not hold resentments. I have let go. My wish for them may never come true. I had hoped they would see their own faults and become responsible for them…and change and stay changed. But I understand my journey and theirs are not the same. I know how freeing it is to take responsibility, in word and deed, for my actions. Today that has to be enough.

Prayerful and Peaceful

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