What is the reason others only believe you are okay if you behave as they behave?
Would the world be any better if everyone accepted each other for who they are (and are becoming) instead of who you want them to be? Don't each of us matter? Don't each of us contribute so much to the world because of our differences?
Are YOU withholding love or approval because someone won't act the way you think they should? What is your intention with that behavior? Are you intentionally hurting them so they will suffer or do you even realize you are hurting them?