Trash in the ladies room

Today I was washing my hands at the sink in the ladies room when I noticed someone dropped a paper towel that missed the bin and landed on the floor.


No big deal, huh?

I thought about it, in the way I think of things.

I used the paper towel I was drying my hands with and picked it up off the floor and put it in the bin.

No big deal, really.

But it caused this thought to stir…

If I didn’t, who would?

The janitor tomorrow morning? One of the next four people who saw it? The next twenty-seven?

And that is the way of the world.

If I don’t, who will?

Pick up the trash on the floor?

Give a stranger a helping hand?

Give back as much as I take?

Smile at someone as I walk by them just because?

Collectively, we all likely want a better world.

Where is it going to start? I might not be able to contribute wealth, change a law or move a mountain, but I can do something. We can all do something. Who wants to?

I do. So I will.

Student Questions

I truly enjoy the group counseling course I get to teach.  The students have some incredible questions.  I don't have all the answers and aside from black and white ethical or licensure issues the answers are subjective.  They asked some great questions yesterday that I answered from the Book of Paula (BoP) and would love to have input from others on additional thoughts or insights. 



The Q& A this week is not textbook. These answers are from the Book of Paula, simply based on my opinion and experience. What do all of you think? Add your thoughts.

1. Is it common to feel like running out of the room when it comes to our first co-facilitation group?

Yes.


2. I have a tendency to add my opinion or advice when leading a group. Is that okay? Or do I always want to refer to a group member and ask them to weight in on a comment or issue?


There is no black or white answer. Sometimes offering what we are observing is important (that could be an opinion) and sometimes our ideas for problem solving are helpful. I don't believe always giving our opinion is appropriate. Many times it is in the delivery and frequency of advice giving that makes it okay or not.

3. How would you handle a problem with a certain classmate in which you have a personal conflict that has been ongoing for over two months?


If it is bothersome enough for you I would address it outside the classroom directly with that individual.

4. How do I hone in on one aspect of perfectionism?


I am not clear on the question. Maybe provide me specific examples.


5. What experiences/things cause a person not to trust? Addicts especially? What are some tools that a counselor can use to help expose the source of things within a client? Tools?

Many things can cause anyone not to trust:


Inconsistency in childhood


Broken trust from others


Not being trustworthy ourselves can cause us to project that others aren't trustworthy


Having put your trust in unsafe people


The best tools is to allow the client to explore and get to the root of the first trusts broken and often they can begin to see patterns across their lives where they have been hurt by broken trusts; teaching them to trust safe people helps them build confidence in trusting again; always be a safe person for them to trust and be consistent; have them explore things about them self they don't trust and how they have hurt others through breaking trust.


6. Where does self-doubt come from?


My initial response is: self-esteem and experience. One could doubt their ability until they have experience to back up that they can do something. A way to combat this is through positive self-talk. Tell yourself you are successful and can accomplish the thing you doubt. What we tell ourselves has more control over us than what others tell us a majority of the time.

Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy

I have little desire to be involved in or create drama. Learning what is my business and what is not has been the best blessing of living long enough....

In Poland, there's an idiom, "Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy . . ." which translates to "not my circus, not my monkey." 

I love it! For me this embodies peace. Have a peaceful weekend.

See it through

“No truth can cure the sadness we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness, can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see that sadness through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sadness that comes to us without warning.” 

― Haruki Murakami

Happy Holidays

May 2014 be filled with joy!

Dear Greg,

I dreamt of you last night. You were sitting across from me at my kitchen table while I was writing. I asked if I could go with you early but you insisted I finish my work. I giggled this morning when I awoke. I was probably writing an article for Recovery Today that you asked me to do with a two-hour deadline.


I met you so long ago it feels as if I have always known you. I’d just returned from Germany with an infant son when I made the trek to Round Rock to find out what the job you hired me to do would entail. I made that trek monthly for seven years. It was usually related to business, but you welcomed me into your home and always invited my mom and son, too. Caleb still remembers that you were clever enough to give him juice boxes with covers so he couldn’t squeeze the juice out of the top. You and I “got” the others peculiar personalities. Perhaps, it is in the similarity of our religious and family backgrounds that many of our connections were made.

It was you who introduced me to speaking on a larger stage, who allowed me to meet so many influential people, who I have to “blame” for my state involvement with TAAP and NAADAC. You pushed me to be a leader and encouraged me that I had the strengths to get through each battle.

No matter how much time passed between our visits you always remembered details of my life and asked about them. You were selfless in writing the recommendation letter for my current position, even knowing I would be unable to continue doing work for you. You called and cared when things were happening in my life. I suspect you called and cared about many, as if they were exceptionally special.

Greg, my mentor, my friend, my advisor, my go-to-guy, you were a unique man with an incredible heart. Your value and place in the addiction field and recovery community will be missed.

About that dream, when I did finish writing….I asked you to dance but told you I didn’t know how. You took my hand and began to dance with me flawlessly and said, “I don’t know how to dance either, but I don’t think that matters here.”



RIP Greg.

Do you know your Emotional DNA?

Well, here it is.  The workbook, Living in Consciousness, is published.  It can be ordered through the publisher by clicking on this Kendall Hunt link.  I am very excited and am looking forward to getting one myself.

This workbook will reveal to you many beliefs that keep you stuck.  Some of it requires tough work and in depth insight.  I hope you will challenge yourself to do the work.  It will be worth it.

The risk I warn of; however, is that once you do this work, you will not be the same.

You can also like us on Facebook.  There are inspiring posters and quotes daily.  We also post any speaking events and workshops we do all over the country.

Happy delving.

Body, Mind & Spirit

After a visit to a doctor in May, I began a new journey.

For many years I've been diligent with annual physicals and I follow through with most recommendations.  I generally believe what I am told by medical professionals.  I have known something wasn't right for a while but convinced myself I should deal with them through conventional medicine and even therapy.  

I followed the directives for over a year and something still didn't feel right.  

Toward the end of April I saw a life coach at Shambhala Wellness.  Within moments she recommended I get blood work again.  I was referred to a foundational doctor, a doctor who looks for the cause in addition to treating symptoms.  

I am still in the process of identifying the root cause but did find out I have severe anemia.  That is low iron and it sounds simple enough.  But it isn't.  

To put it in a perspective that made a lot of sense to me, when a doctor does blood work, anything under 150 is considered "low iron".  Mine was 8.  My body was suffocating.  Iron carries the oxygen, among many other critical things.  The doctor was surprised I didn't have any infections and was still getting up everyday and functioning.  

I was referred to an oncologist.  The day I received the referral I changed my diet.  I haven't had soda since.  I am eating fruits, veggies, drinking water and getting as much natural iron in my diet as possible.  

Kale Chips

At the beginning of June I began getting IV iron infusions.  I've sought every bit of information I can devour about severe anemia.  I get the infusions at  Texas Oncology and I have a few feelings about being there because I have always equated oncology with cancer, but that is a separate story.  

I still have a few specialists to see as I continue to discover the cause of the low iron; however, I have already made great improvements.  It is such a relief to know so many of these symptoms I didn't even know were related are beginning to be removed.  Did you know iron can be connected to:

Grey hair (who knew?)

Skin

Memory & cognition

Hair loss (hence, the ugly mullet I am now sporting)

Depression-like symptoms

Lethargy and fatigue

In addition to the infusions, daily I take Vitamin D, Omegas and fill my body with nuts, berries (no twigs) and as many high-iron foods as possible.  I also meditate and do yoga stretches.  Besides removing sodas, I have also eliminated my passion for Sonic Ice.  I didn't even know until I began doing the research that low-iron ice eating is a PICA disorder.  I teach about those but never made the connection.

I am truly grateful for the answers I already have.  Knowing there is a reason for how horrible I have felt for a couple of years is nearly a miracle and look forward to updating you on my progress as it unfolds.  

#BodyMindSpirit

Intention

The song Lightening Crashes came on the radio one morning I was driving to work this week. 

A line in the song hit me, “An old mother dies, her intentions fall to the floor.” 

When life is over our intentions won’t matter. I understand they don’t matter much while we are alive, but the lyrics were powerful enough to cause me to think of this all week. 

What we actually do means something.  What we intend means little.  Today and in our legacy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxhBfYgKULs

Coconut Oil

Here goes another experiment. Coconut oil for my damaged hair. I'll let you know if I see any results. My hair has become damaged to the point of breaking in in the last year. I don't know the cause. I'm doing nothing differently as far as product or styling. The only change has been water. I'm hoping the 2 inches cut off yesterday and this product will be the cure! 

Any lengths! 

Why a Bunny?

My Sonshine asked and found out online and wanted to share:

Dear Yahoo,

How did the Easter bunny become part of a religious holiday?

Cindy Spring Valley, California

Dear Cindy:

We hopped around the Easter History category in the Yahoo! Directory, and then returned to the front page and searched on "easter bunny history" to dig up the dirt on this rascally rabbit. As it turns out, the Easter bunny has a long history as a pagan symbol that predates the Christian holiday. In fact, our sources suggest that early Christians purposefully co-opted the pagan hare to popularize their own holiday.Quite a few pagan cultures hold celebrations in the spring. It's the time of year when plants return to life after being dormant all winter and when animals mate and procreate. These festivities celebrate the renewal of life and promote the fertility of crops, animals, and even people, which was important in these agrarian communities. The Saxons believed in a maiden goddess of fertility named Eastre or Eostre (Oestre in Latin) and honored her with a spring festival. Hares and rabbits were considered sacred to Eastre because they are notoriously fertile animals. In the second century A.D., Christian missionaries tried to convert northern European tribes. To help make Christianity attractive, the missionaries turned pagan festivals into Christian holidays. The pagan Eastre festival occurred around the same time as the Christian celebration marking Christ's resurrection so the two celebrations blended into one, rabbit and all. Over time, Eastre became Easter, and the symbolism changed as well. Instead of the Easter rabbit symbolizing fertility, the rabbit maysymbolize an innocent, vulnerable creature that can be sacrificed, similar to the lamb. To Christians, these innocents are tokens of Christ and the sacrifice he made. The Easter bunny we know today was influenced by German traditions dating back to the 1500s. German children believed that theOschter Haws (a magical rabbit) would leave them a nest of colored eggs at Eastertime if they were good. Pennsylvania Dutch settlers brought this tradition to America in the 1700s. On a related note, eggs have long been a symbol of rebirth and thus associated with spring celebrations. In the 600s, Pope Gregory the Great forbade the eating of eggs during Lent (the 40 days proceeding Easter), and this helped make eggs a special treat at Easter. Many European cultures also have old customs of decorating eggs and giving them as gifts.

Who Do I Write About?

The Thing About Fear is.....

It sucks...but besides that....

Fear is paralyzing.

Fear is debilitating.

Fear is cunning.

Most of all it makes manifest the very situation it fears.  

That is the thing about fear.....

Starbucks

Note to self and a PSA to others....

Enjoy the music in your earbuds in your own head. Dancing and singing because you enjoy the tune so much you can't contain yourself doesn't amuse others in Starbucks.

Who knew?

I wonder if they would appreciate me more at Dunkin' Donuts?

The Book



"The book" was assigned an ISBN today!  What a bittersweet moment.  I turned in the workbook, Living in Consciousness, to the publisher on the due date, March 1.  I finished up my edits and put it away the night before.  It was a challenge not to open and fiddle with it again that morning, but at 10:10 AM I said farewell and sent it on the way.

I say it was bittersweet for a couple of reasons. 

First, I have been writing something since I could hold a pencil.  From the first diary my mom bought me when I was in first grade to the journals I kept throughout my drama-filled teen years and into the items I began creating as a professional...there has always been something I was "working" on.

Thursday when I was finished I cried.  They were tears I couldn't explain.  Contributing author, Tyrone Carrington, kept telling me to be happy for the completion.  He also said I could look at this as a beginning rather than an ending.  I am happy.  I was near giddy.  Perhaps, feelings hard to explain.  The duty and ownership of daily writing as the most cathartic event this bleeding author feels can't be put into words.  It was as if birthing a child.  A child carried for years. 

This isn't the first piece of work I have had published but I dare say it was the most emotionally labor-intensive.  Possibly because of the involvement of Tyrone. 

I've known Tyrone for two years and care for him in a way I have very few.  In addition to listening to and recording his emotional journey through doing the work the questions in this workbook unfolded for him I began doing my own work, as well.  Part of that journey for me has been healing that involved my relationship with Tyrone.  I needed and wanted but wasn't fully aware of what that journey would unlock. 

Bringing the workbook to publication also meant an ending.  An ending of many days and hours of interaction with Tyrone.  I knew the day would bring that ending when we began but as it crept closer I felt the weight of hesitation as much as the excitement of relief.  I found myself with thoughts like, "it will never be the same again as it is now" and "I am not sure I want this interaction to end".  I love that man dearly and will forever be changed from knowing him.  Handing our diligent work over to Kendall-Hunt for publication was as if I was handing the entirety of the relationship over. 

Such as it felt, it was.  As my unconsciousness created without my consciousness being aware, we both allowed this to be a goodbye of sorts.  The journey was intense, more intense than I could have imagined, but worth the miles.  I am a better person than I was when I began that journey, and that, I suppose, is all I could have asked for. 

ISBN:  978-1-4652-1977-0