March 04, 2013

The Book

"The book" was assigned an ISBN today!  What a bittersweet moment.  I turned in the workbook, Living in Consciousness, to the publisher on the due date, March 1.  I finished up my edits and put it away the night before.  It was a challenge not to open and fiddle with it again that morning, but at 10:10 AM I said farewell and sent it on the way.

I say it was bittersweet for a couple of reasons. 

First, I have been writing something since I could hold a pencil.  From the first diary my mom bought me when I was in first grade to the journals I kept throughout my drama-filled teen years and into the items I began creating as a professional...there has always been something I was "working" on.

Thursday when I was finished I cried.  They were tears I couldn't explain.  Contributing author, Tyrone Carrington, kept telling me to be happy for the completion.  He also said I could look at this as a beginning rather than an ending.  I am happy.  I was near giddy.  Perhaps, feelings hard to explain.  The duty and ownership of daily writing as the most cathartic event this bleeding author feels can't be put into words.  It was as if birthing a child.  A child carried for years. 

This isn't the first piece of work I have had published but I dare say it was the most emotionally labor-intensive.  Possibly because of the involvement of Tyrone. 

I've known Tyrone for two years and care for him in a way I have very few.  In addition to listening to and recording his emotional journey through doing the work the questions in this workbook unfolded for him I began doing my own work, as well.  Part of that journey for me has been healing that involved my relationship with Tyrone.  I needed and wanted but wasn't fully aware of what that journey would unlock. 

Bringing the workbook to publication also meant an ending.  An ending of many days and hours of interaction with Tyrone.  I knew the day would bring that ending when we began but as it crept closer I felt the weight of hesitation as much as the excitement of relief.  I found myself with thoughts like, "it will never be the same again as it is now" and "I am not sure I want this interaction to end".  I love that man dearly and will forever be changed from knowing him.  Handing our diligent work over to Kendall-Hunt for publication was as if I was handing the entirety of the relationship over. 

Such as it felt, it was.  As my unconsciousness created without my consciousness being aware, we both allowed this to be a goodbye of sorts.  The journey was intense, more intense than I could have imagined, but worth the miles.  I am a better person than I was when I began that journey, and that, I suppose, is all I could have asked for. 

ISBN:  978-1-4652-1977-0

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