I was in a reflective mood this evening so I sat about reading some blog entries of old.......ten months ago I wrote about some goals I wanted to accomplish so I decided to copy and paste that entry and hold myself accountable. It felt only the right thing to do after having given a two hour lecture just today related to believing we should all live by a code of ethics, have integrity in our actions by actually living that code and being accountable for this behavior to at least one other person. So....here goes the accountability portion:

"From August 31, 2009.....Using a journal by an author recommended by a friend and purchased used on Amazon.com – yes, someone sold a “used” journal…too bad they didn’t do all the emotional work for me, as well – I wandered down a new road today. This road of emotional growth is a lifelong journey that seems for me to be best digested in small bites. The very first entry was simply to chose what words I would like to use to describe myself, either words that are who I am or words that I want to be who I am. I have to tell you that seemed easy enough but I had to analyze the exact nature of the content that I decided on to be an equal balance of both who I am and who I am becoming.

My first insight into what I find to be a growing problem for me. I jokingly call it obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I am certain there is much more to it than that. Darn it! I had hoped there might be medication to fix it instead of more internal investigation.Back to the list. Who I am or want to be described only in one word choices: Dreamer, Rare, Spectacular, Energized, Wise, Avatar. The next step was to look into my heart -- the authors intent here, I questioned, was simply to illicit tears but I moved forward any way – and discover what I wanted in my life right now.

Okay, simple, I believe:

To be the best mom I can be. While I believe I do well....I believe there is still room for improvement......

To complete my doctorate degree before I am 45 (I gave myself some room on this one so I could have a break down in the event I needed one)! I am not 45 yet and I am still enrolled in a doctoral program......and I won't discount that progress by throwing in the fact that I am just completing the first course for the second time.....or maybe I will.....

Add a few additional chapters to my book and finally publish it. Here I have faltered. Instead of adding to a nearly complete book I have diverted from that and began writing a personal growth curriculum with another person.....I have actually felt that I have grown a great deal through that process so I don't feel this is a goal unaccomplished as much as one with an asterisk or addition made....

Speak more frequently (and for my friends and family who are already irritated by incessant verbalizing, when I say speak I mean “workshops” not just conversation). Check, check, check and check. No excuses. Done. And still doing......

Lose 20 pounds. Seriously, did you think there would be a list that I wrote that didn’t include weight loss? Even when I weigh 33 pounds I will probably want to get that last 3 off! I am actually not sure. I have lost weight....but since August I had also gained weight. Perhaps, I should monitor this situation more closely in the future. :) .....

Have plastic surgery. I know. It isn’t a goal you might expect from someone who has a personal mission statement to “live with authenticity” but we don’t have time today to delve into the mystery of that issue. I haven't done it. But, I haven't changed my mind about the desire, either......

Find 10 things in the DFW area I have not already done with my son and do them this year. We have done a few new things. 1. Visited the Great Wolf Lodge instead of the Gaylord at Christmastime. 2. Looked at Christmas lights in our own neighborhood. 3. Went to the Nutcracker. and this weekend we are going to 4. Kaboom Town!......

Create a new tradition with my son. Can I count any of those things I just listed in the last goal? Hmmm....tradition? I baked a lot of stuff at Christmas with him this year for the first time....does that count?

Go back to Hawaii and take my son this time. There is a chance this might happen at Thanksgiving.....but the specific location may be altered.....

Take my son to Germany to see where he was born. Still a desire.....

I also added a few career goals that are specific to the agency where I work that would either make no sense to you or bore you. Or perhaps, there are ideas there that I don’t want you to implement at your facility first! Paranoia? Another issue for me to dog ear for future insights. Those goals specific to that agency changed when the agency closed in November 2009......

Dream on, my friends."