Currently I am faced with a decision that I do not want to make. As a subscriber to the belief that decisions unmade are decisions to let someone else decide…..this is not the behavior I enjoy seeing myself demonstrate. However, I feel stopped by fear. Either of the choices I have to make is undesirable to me on some level.
I had a conversation with someone I trust and respect about this yesterday. One of the things he indicated seeing in me is that I keep getting in my own way. As he was talking and I was thinking the tears would not stop flowing. I do get in my own way. I over think and I awfulize possibilities. He described some zen ideas of allowing yourself to let life come to you and go with the flow as if it were a river moving you. While I can comprehend that and even imagine it for someone else I cannot imagine it for myself, especially not in this decision.
I need to allow myself to be moved by life.