August 22, 2008

No Love for the Haters

For years I have struggled with people pleasing. I have to say that it has aided my ability to get involved in organizations and committees that I have obtained a lot from. However, recently I was in the middle of a situation where someone I have known for many years became angry at me and distanced herself. She has ceased all communication (even stuff I need for a job we do together). This is the conclusion I have reached:

I was really rude to her. I really was. However, the things I said were exactly how I felt. I even apologized. I understand that apology doesn't excuse a behavior and I understand that excuses only help the person making them feel better. I have inventoried some things and I see where I was wrong and will work to make things different in my interactions with people in the future. This is the third time such a situation has taken place and the real lesson I learned is that I have run behind her and tried to make her like me again. As long as I have known her I realize that I walk lightly around her because she cuts people out and throws them away without second thought.

Many lessons: One, I can't make everyone like me. Two, I don't need to because I like myself. Three, it isn't healthy for me to have a friend that I can't be myself around or who won't forgive me for being human. Four, the farther I go toward my dream the harder the struggle becomes.

The struggle toward my dream has been ongoing since second grade (really). I will continue to strive and achieve my dream. A dear friend has warned me that as I strive to reach my goals and get closer to them I will encounter more "friends" who aren't supportive of me. I see that people are judgmental and not everyone wants me to reach my goals. In my heart I cannot understand why people are that way, but I do understand that it is true. That is sad. But, I am not going to exert a great deal of effort proving my worth to those who cannot find their own worth. I am going to move ahead side-by-side with those who see my value and stand in support of my growth.

No love for them today.

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