I miss the old me. The person I was for most of my life. The person who loved to travel, engage anyone in conversation, laugh, joke, go places, and dream.
That woman had goals. She took on each day with curiosity and plans. She traveled the world and stayed up nights to log the journeys with brilliant words.
I miss the person I was before autoimmune disease. I long for her. I want the people in my life to know her. I want to be her instead of only in my memory.
Now many days I feel old, closer to an end than a beginning. I move through my days tending to what must be done rather than dreaming of or working toward what could be.
I’ve lost me...or I have been stolen.
5 comments:
Love you!
I’m sorry. I completely relate and so wish you didn’t have to walk this road. I love you and am praying for you.
I can relate a little too much!! I miss so much...I have been through enough ..have hurt too much. I wish my perspective was as it was in the past instead of missing all that's been lost...bracing for more loss versus celebrating New beginnings. Beautiful words...I pray what seems lost,will return 100 fold and life seem better than ever before.
Thank you all for the supportive comments.
I miss writing, too. The energy I have does not seem to desire being spent in emotion often.
I do dream of a future that includes writing again...this kind of writing.
PHG
Anonymous,
I have a Facebook page you may enjoy. It is called Living in Consciousness. I also listen to multiple podcasts. The two I am listening to now is called "The Hilarious World of Depression" and "To Write Love on her Arms".
"Conversations with Alanis Morissette" is pretty good, as well.
What particular topics do you crave? I have a wide-variety of interests, so it is possible I can recommend something more specific.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
PHG
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