For a while I have been having a tough time with a person in my life. The issue is that they are obviously angry with me but I do not know the reason. Their behavior has been difficult to deal with. They ignore me. They appear to go out of their way to speak sweetly to those around me in my presence but blindly walk by me without a word. When I directly speak to them the words returned are hallow and sometimes even hurtful. I have spent time trying to figure out what I could have done to cause them to be so angry. I have thought back to the day they became so obviously angry and dissected the events in order to find what I did. I have even directly asked them what I did. There was no response to that question.
There are many decisions I have made as a result of that situation. There are also many lessons I have learned. First, I do not deserve to be mistreated or disrespected by anyone. No matter whom they are or what I might have done. Second, I cannot fix something if I do not know what is broken. Third, I cannot make that person tell me what it is. Fourth, sometimes the only lesson you can learn from a person is what not to do.
I have been surprised by this behavior but even more staggering is that I am shocked. This behavior is actually typical of this person. Many times I have been the ear for them when they slander another. Many times I have been witness to hateful behaviors they have directed at someone else. What is the reason it came as a blow to me that they have had the ability to do this to me? Additionally, this isn’t the first time they have acted this way toward me. The lesson here is that the only thing I can trust is that people behave the way they behave. They do not conduct themselves according to my expectation.
I am in dismay of adults who have the inability to identify their feelings and then rationally discuss them with another. Especially the ones who have an outward appearance of being “together” and on the surface look as if they are the most sweet and humble person on earth. Appearances are deceiving during brief encounters sometimes.
I have made a conscious decision today that I will move on from this relationship. There is no good to come of chasing someone for a reason for their conduct. There is no positive value to my life to continue thinking through all of the possible scenarios. Once again, the Serenity Prayer comes to mind. I cannot change the person. I can only change me. My change will be to emotionally distance myself. I will put the walls up where they belong in order to protect myself.
I will move on....