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More Events Our next class will be HIPAA and Confidentiality Issues Look for more details soon! Quick Links Our Website		Greetings! Please join us for your continuing education classes. We are offering CEU classes. Listed below is the information about the upcoming classes. For further information, please call 972-423-8727. STD/TB/HEP C/ Communicable Disease DATE: 06/21/2011 TIME: 9am- 12pm LOCATION: Access Counseling Group 2600 Avenue K, Ste. 102 Plano, TX 75074 COST: $30 PRESENTED BY: Paula Heller-Garland, MS, LCDC HIV/AIDS DATE: 07/19/2011 TIME: 9am- 12pm LOCATION: Access Counseling Group 2600 Avenue K, Ste. 102 Plano, TX 75074 COST: $30 PRESENTED BY: Paula Heller-Garland, MS, LCDC Please RSVP to 972-423-8727 as soon as possible as space is limited. All participants will receive a certificate of completion and LCDCs can receive 3 CEUs for each class! Sincerely, Irene Little, M.S., LCDC, ADCIII, ICADC Access Counseling Group

Powerful Soul

You were born with it

You can’t change it

You know you have it

And own it

Because when you walk in the room

People notice

You have presence

Grace

Charisma

And

A powerful soul

People are drawn to you

And they can’t always put their finger on the reason

What a gift

What a responsibility

To have been adorned

With a powerful soul

Beside Me

Last weekend I went to the Texas coast, a place of many great memories for my family. My weekend plans were simply to include a visit to Mustang Island and experience some of the wonders of nature.

A friend went with me. Because he had been to that area recently, he drove. Interestingly, he drove for a while on the beach and tried a couple of spots before pulling into the one we agreed was perfect. As we were driving toward the beach we were talking about the ocean. We talked about how powerful it was to realize the waves that crash on the shore come from so far away and how much energy they posses.

We sat up some chairs, put on sunscreen, opened a bottle of water….and sat down. We were taking in the ocean and beachgoers while listening to some music. I looked around at the people on either side of us. To our left was a family, I saw Mom, dad and a teenage boy who was texting. To my right was a multi-generational family ranging in age from what I assumed to be grandmother to infant. It was setting up to be a gorgeous and serene day.

No sooner than I sat down and evaluated my surroundings than did the mom from my left come to me and say, “should I call someone? I can’t find my son”! It took a moment to process what exactly she was saying to me. She actually had two sons. The teen I saw texting and her husband were going out into the water to look for the other son. I was sure I saw three heads in the water. I told her I did. I told her we could let the person up the beach selling permits know because there were no lifeguards. Even she seemed to be a worried mom more than a woman in crisis.

Soon she was calling 911, police were arriving, people on the beach began looking, the lifeguards arrived, jet skis and helicopters were deployed. There was a search for a 12-year old boy wearing a yellow shirt with a number 1 on the back. My heart ached. With a 10-year old of my own it was difficult not to think about the situation from the position of that mother, completely helpless and heartsick. I said a prayer, hugged my friend, and asked what I could do to help. Nothing. There was really nothing I, or anyone else on the beach could do but pray and count personal blessings. I took a walk to the jetty. The thoughts going through my mind were innumerable. Because I kept thinking about my own son I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t happening to me, just beside me.

After it had been at least an hour with no one finding this little boy, my friend and I decided to leave the beach. The time in the sun and sand we were looking forward to instead was turning into a feeling of despair. We drove away from the beach but conversations and thoughts turned time and again to that poor family. Seeing the mom drop to her knees in the sand and cry out from her gut a pain that only someone in that position could ever know will forever be etched into my memory of that day.

Late that night we were both still thinking about the events as they unfolded. He suggested a drive back to the water to bring some closure. As we stood in the water I felt so thankful to have been with a friend capable of hearing and expressing emotion.

The next day I searched several times on the local news updates to stay tuned into the story. Finally, late Sunday night I found that his body had been discovered two miles south of where he was last seen. While my heart was hurting, I felt some peace for that mom. I couldn’t imagine in my worst nightmare going through that experience. I couldn’t imagine being a mom who walked away from that beach without him.

http://www.caller.com/news/2011/may/15/swimmer-still-missing-in-the-gulf/

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/statesman/obituary.aspx?n=kacey-james-hendrix&pid=151116158&fhid=12067

New Shoes

The newness of love wears like a fresh pair of shoes....
The hype and the drama of a new pair of shoes is like a new love too.

The first thought of your new pair of shoes, how they will look with your favorite pair of jeans

kinda like how that new person looks on your arm the first date...badass and lovin' it.

A new pair of shoes can give an old wardrobe new life,

bring back the flair, bring things to life you haven't worn in a while,

put a sizzle to your soul again, with new purpose and feeling once again,
just like new love too.

She's the only one for me or he can do no wrong

You haven't changed
Your new love is just new to you
Like that new pair of shoes....

Like a new pair of shoes there is no place you don't want to wear them
Not a place you don't want to take your new love

The tragedy is the end to the newness...

there comes that scuff
that stain
when the newness is gone..

Do you really want to keep those new shoes?
What will you do with those shoes after they are worn?
Keep them in the back of the closet because they are comfortable?

The cycle continues....called new love

(Written by Johnny Appleseed)

Johnny Appleseed

I met this fellow, Johnny Appleseed. I have assigned him to be my private tour guide of Austin while I work here. He has been a gem. He has shown me parts of Austin I would not otherwise know. He has shown me the little nooks and crannies only someone who lives the Austin lifestyle daily frequent. He is a hippie with a positive outlook, motivated and forward thinking, a real open-minded, out of the box thinker. I am enjoying seeing a city through the eyes of someone who is not only local, but one who encourages me to be upbeat and inspired about life.

So often I speak of “out of the box thinking” and living a “conscious life”; however, not regularly do I meet someone who lives such a life. What an inspiration (and challenge) to see someone who really lives in the now, who looks forward and dares to stop when thoughts turn to pain from the past!

Interestingly enough, Johnny isn’t in the helping profession. While I understand one doesn’t have to be in the helping profession to have this outlook, it is a different experience for me. Just this evening while in a conversation with him I asked him for feedback about thought stopping. In the back of my mind I thought of an article I wrote about the subject. As I listened to his response I realized I met someone who lives the things I write about, the things I strive for.

Humph. Mr. Appleseed……I am watching you.

My Symphony

I bought a used book Saturday. Inside was a great treasure. A bookmark with this reading:

My Symphony

To live content with small means;

To seek elegance rather than luxury

and refinement rather than fashion;

To be worthy, not respectable;

and wealthy not rich;

To study hard, think quietly,

talk gently,

act frankly

To listen to stars and birds,

To babes and sages with an open heart;

To bear all cheerfully,

do all bravely,

await occasions,

hurry never;

in a word

to let the spiritual, unbidden, and unconscious,

grow through the common;

This is my symphony

Wm. Henry Channing

Woven

Many times I have said you are woven throughout my life. As Mother’s Day approached it occurred to me that memories of you are all around. Perhaps, in ways only I would understand.

As I was standing in my kitchen cooking yesterday, a quiet task that causes my mind to begin reminiscing (similar to washing dishes, cleaning the bathrooms and mowing), I reached for the kitchen scissors and off I went. Kitchen scissors. Who knew there were special scissors to cut food items? Mom did.

Every trip we have taken is represented in my home. And you were with me on my so many of them. I still remember when my son’s father (it is Mother’s Day, I won’t call him “baby daddy” today) asked “Aren’t we supposed to invite your mom on this vacation”? And I knew he fit well in our little family.

Even a walk into my Sonshine's room or around my living room, you are there. My books, my Polish pottery, my German crystal, you are there because you were there. What a lesson that is to me for my life. I can’t create memories I am not present to make. And you are present now because you were then. You are woven into the fabric of me because you were part of the material that made me. You didn’t mail it in or buy it for me. As a mom, you simply were present. And that has made all the difference.

No one else may ever understand why I get a tear in my eye when I smell bleach, chuckle a little when I see turtleneck sweaters, or long for Europe when it snows. But no one has to as long as I do.

I will forever miss you. I have grasped that. Nothing will replace you in my life. But I have memories of a wonderful life with you and a phenomenal relationship with you as an adult that will be part of who I am for the rest of my life.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Everyday Mom Memories....

Knowing we always have to leave bread in the oven about five extra minutes.....

The sled and walking stick from Germany, the rotary phone from Heidenheimer, the plant Joseph sent

Our trek around a bitter cold Europe

Beginning to look like a replica of your Holland fridge?

We went "green" before it was hip!

And the other kind of green bag!

You also gave me my love for reading......

An Email

I know you get as many forwarded email as I. Once in a while I read one that hits me and I think to share it. If you have read long, you know I am a fiend for quotes. This is one of those email I received I felt compelled to share. My apologies that there is no credit given to the originator of each quote.

A birth certificate shows you were born. A death certificate shows you have died. A photo album shows you have lived.

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

the heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.

If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Ideas won't work unless you do.

Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

It is never too late to become what you might have been.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

You must....

You must have been the best mother in the world.

Have prayed seventeen times a day...just for me.

Been the strongest woman on earth.

Had a direct connection to God.

Have been hand-picked to parent a daughter like me.

Know how much I miss you everyday.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.

You are woven into every thought, dream and ambition I possess......

Happy Mother's Day, mom.

I miss you and love you.....

Affected or Affecting?

I had lunch with a pretty incredible fellow yesterday. I was talking about my view of the world or some such mumbo jumbo. When I talked about how I have a group of peers I can share my woes with that I lovingly call “my people”, I explained that they are the kind of friends I can call at the end of a bad day and tell them I want to poke a persons eyes out and they know I am not going to actually poke a persons eyes out, that I am just expressing sincere exasperation….he provided me with some new feedback.

Okay, gang. This is when Paula must read her own BOP (Book of Paula)! Because there are many pages devoted to receiving feedback in a place of openness, sincerity, and love.

He said (and I shall paraphrase)…..what if you turned that around a little...to a more positive place? Huh? Hippie! What are you talking about? Positive place? I thought it was positive that I had a group of peers who understood me and let me vent. I have always been a little fond of my cutting (and witty) sarcasm. Nevertheless, I admit that I listened long enough to hear a golden piece of information……

He then said:

Are you letting things affect you or are you affecting them? Holy Moses! Now that hit me hard. Not just because it was profound, but because I talk all around that everyday. Isn’t that a great question? How often do I cringe when I hear “victim talk”? How often do I make presentations on change? How often do I speak of people captaining their own ship?

Yeah, that is it, my friends. When faced with a situation, ask that question!

Affected or affecting?

Like Mother like Sonshine?

No doubt my own mother is laughing right now.

As I was looking through some photos we took at our weekly Mother-Sonshine breakfast yesterday I sought with desperation to find one where he wasn't making a face! I laughed out loud remembering how I was my mom's family photo problem! How many photos do I have in a box from my growing up years where I am making a face?

A particular photo that comes to mind was actually taken on Easter. Likely a very important day for my mom. We were all dressed up. I was even wearing a pink dress (which was not a regular occurrence for a Tom boy). Mom had even curled my hair. And I wasn't three. I was probably in the fourth grade. Everyone was standing together smiling in the photo....well, except me and mom. I was making a face and trying to raise my hand to sign something of great importance, I assume. And mom, looking exasperated by this experience (which leads me to believe it wasn't the only photo I added my "character"), was giving me the "mom" look while trying to hold my hand down. I had no idea why she was such a party pooper!

Well, I know now.

Before I get out for the day to get my Easter supplies so I can get things baked and gathered for my trek to Central Texas tomorrow it hit me that this is my first Easter with my family without my mom. I was in Florida speaking at the Air Force conference last year over Easter weekend so I didn't attend the first year after her death. Intentionally? Maybe. Amazingly, though, she weaves herself into my life everyday. I guess she was there on Holy Thursday when my little Sonshine was making picture taking really eventful. She might have even been encouraging him!

But we finally got one!

Thanks, Mom!

N4N

"Not for Nothing" is a phrase I first heard someone in the Northeast use. I've come to understand that phrase, from my own perspective, more intimately, in the last year. Because of a number of losses I've experienced in the last three years I could sum up the autumn of 2010 as a real "fall". As things began piecing back together I began to realize while I was experiencing loss I was vulnerable and felt fear of letting anyone see the real pain.

I went to therapy, sometimes A LOT OF TIMES in a week and talked to a couple of close friends frequently. However, a feeling of anxiety surrounded me. My heart knows vulnerability is not a bad thing; however, my brain was attempting to protect me. I felt safer staying silent.

Fortunately, that is not my truth today. Today I say to myself, and often out loud (yes, even out loud to myself) "Not for Nothing"! Each experience, even those painful in my path are Not for Nothing. As a matter of opinion, these experiences are for a whole heck of a lot.

Loss of marriage, mom's terminal illness, moving to a new city, two career-long goals realized, the shift of a close relationship, sell of my house, my son going to a new school, my mother's death as a result of a car accident, the unexpected loss of my job and first time of being unemployed - all within three years, I add smiling, was Not for Nothing.

Nope. Not for Nothing.

Inexpensive CEU's!

Non-Violent Crisis Intervention

(DSHS Required Facility Training)

April 29, 2011

11:00 AM – 3:00 PM

Lunch Included

Instructor: Paula Heller-Garland, MS, LCDC

Access Counseling

2600 K Ave; Plano, TX 75074

Only $25

Limited Seating, Register Today!

(972) 423-8727

4 Hour CEU Provided for LCDC, In-Service Certificate Provided for Others

Busy

I assume because I have been working on a great new project I have neglected writing as often as usual. Then again, writing ebbs and flows.

I am very excited to be working on the Big Texas Rally for Recovery in Austin to take place on October 1, 2011 (www.texasrecovers.org). At the same time I miss my little Sonshine while I am on the road.

Today while making my usual trek up I-35 I stopped at a roadside park for a few moments. I watched as a woman parked in front of me got out of her car then opened the back door. She helped an older woman out of the car. I assumed it was her mother. She held her hand as she walked up the sidewalk.

It occurred to me how much better I am doing today than I was a year ago. It also struck me things will never be the same. There will be occasions the rest of my life that I see a glimpse of a scene I miss. And memories will flood my heart. Seeing something we once did, flowers that I know she would love or just having an experience I long to tell her. Likely, life will always be that way. My gratitude hangs in having had those times to remember. And I feel so blessed to have had such wonderful and loving parents.

I will write again soon. Once I am quiet and hear that still, small voice that guides me to the place where my creativity lives.

Soak up Spring!

To You

Walt Whitman (1819–1892).

WHOEVER you are, I fear you are walking the walks of dreams,
I fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your feet and hands;
Even now, your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners, troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you,
Your true Soul and Body appear before me,
They stand forth out of affairs—out of commerce, shops, law, science, work, forms, clothes, the house, medicine, print, buying, selling, eating, drinking, suffering, dying.	5
Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem;
I whisper with my lips close to your ear,
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.
O I have been dilatory and dumb;
I should have made my way straight to you long ago;	10
I should have blabb’d nothing but you, I should have chanted nothing but you.
I will leave all, and come and make the hymns of you;
None have understood you, but I understand you;
None have done justice to you—you have not done justice to yourself;
None but have found you imperfect—I only find no imperfection in you;	15
None but would subordinate you—I only am he who will never consent to subordinate you;
I only am he who places over you no master, owner, better, God, beyond what waits intrinsically in yourself.
Painters have painted their swarming groups, and the centre figure of all;
From the head of the centre figure spreading a nimbus of gold-color’d light;
But I paint myriads of heads, but paint no head without its nimbus of gold-color’d light;	20
From my hand, from the brain of every man and woman it streams, effulgently flowing forever.
O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
You have not known what you are—you have slumber’d upon yourself all your life;
Your eye-lids have been the same as closed most of the time;
What you have done returns already in mockeries;	25
(Your thrift, knowledge, prayers, if they do not return in mockeries, what is their return?)
The mockeries are not you;
Underneath them, and within them, I see you lurk;
I pursue you where none else has pursued you;
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom’d routine, if these conceal you from others, or from yourself, they do not conceal you from me;	30
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these balk others, they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform’d attitude, drunkenness, greed, premature death, all these I part aside.
There is no endowment in man or woman that is not tallied in you;
There is no virtue, no beauty, in man or woman, but as good is in you;
No pluck, no endurance in others, but as good is in you;	35
No pleasure waiting for others, but an equal pleasure waits for you.
As for me, I give nothing to any one, except I give the like carefully to you;
I sing the songs of the glory of none, not God, sooner than I sing the songs of the glory of you.
Whoever you are! claim your own at any hazard!
These shows of the east and west are tame, compared to you;	40
These immense meadows—these interminable rivers—you are immense and interminable as they;
These furies, elements, storms, motions of Nature, throes of apparent dissolution—you are he or she who is master or mistress over them,
Master or mistress in your own right over Nature, elements, pain, passion, dissolution.
The hopples fall from your ankles—you find an unfailing sufficiency;
Old or young, male or female, rude, low, rejected by the rest, whatever you are promulges itself;	45
Through birth, life, death, burial, the means are provided, nothing is scanted;
Through angers, losses, ambition, ignorance, ennui, what you are picks its way.