N4N

"Not for Nothing" is a phrase I first heard someone in the Northeast use. I've come to understand that phrase, from my own perspective, more intimately, in the last year. Because of a number of losses I've experienced in the last three years I could sum up the autumn of 2010 as a real "fall". As things began piecing back together I began to realize while I was experiencing loss I was vulnerable and felt fear of letting anyone see the real pain.

I went to therapy, sometimes A LOT OF TIMES in a week and talked to a couple of close friends frequently. However, a feeling of anxiety surrounded me. My heart knows vulnerability is not a bad thing; however, my brain was attempting to protect me. I felt safer staying silent.

Fortunately, that is not my truth today. Today I say to myself, and often out loud (yes, even out loud to myself) "Not for Nothing"! Each experience, even those painful in my path are Not for Nothing. As a matter of opinion, these experiences are for a whole heck of a lot.

Loss of marriage, mom's terminal illness, moving to a new city, two career-long goals realized, the shift of a close relationship, sell of my house, my son going to a new school, my mother's death as a result of a car accident, the unexpected loss of my job and first time of being unemployed - all within three years, I add smiling, was Not for Nothing.

Nope. Not for Nothing.