Dear Greg,

I dreamt of you last night. You were sitting across from me at my kitchen table while I was writing. I asked if I could go with you early but you insisted I finish my work. I giggled this morning when I awoke. I was probably writing an article for Recovery Today that you asked me to do with a two-hour deadline.


I met you so long ago it feels as if I have always known you. I’d just returned from Germany with an infant son when I made the trek to Round Rock to find out what the job you hired me to do would entail. I made that trek monthly for seven years. It was usually related to business, but you welcomed me into your home and always invited my mom and son, too. Caleb still remembers that you were clever enough to give him juice boxes with covers so he couldn’t squeeze the juice out of the top. You and I “got” the others peculiar personalities. Perhaps, it is in the similarity of our religious and family backgrounds that many of our connections were made.

It was you who introduced me to speaking on a larger stage, who allowed me to meet so many influential people, who I have to “blame” for my state involvement with TAAP and NAADAC. You pushed me to be a leader and encouraged me that I had the strengths to get through each battle.

No matter how much time passed between our visits you always remembered details of my life and asked about them. You were selfless in writing the recommendation letter for my current position, even knowing I would be unable to continue doing work for you. You called and cared when things were happening in my life. I suspect you called and cared about many, as if they were exceptionally special.

Greg, my mentor, my friend, my advisor, my go-to-guy, you were a unique man with an incredible heart. Your value and place in the addiction field and recovery community will be missed.

About that dream, when I did finish writing….I asked you to dance but told you I didn’t know how. You took my hand and began to dance with me flawlessly and said, “I don’t know how to dance either, but I don’t think that matters here.”



RIP Greg.

Do you know your Emotional DNA?

Well, here it is.  The workbook, Living in Consciousness, is published.  It can be ordered through the publisher by clicking on this Kendall Hunt link.  I am very excited and am looking forward to getting one myself.

This workbook will reveal to you many beliefs that keep you stuck.  Some of it requires tough work and in depth insight.  I hope you will challenge yourself to do the work.  It will be worth it.

The risk I warn of; however, is that once you do this work, you will not be the same.

You can also like us on Facebook.  There are inspiring posters and quotes daily.  We also post any speaking events and workshops we do all over the country.

Happy delving.

Body, Mind & Spirit

After a visit to a doctor in May, I began a new journey.

For many years I've been diligent with annual physicals and I follow through with most recommendations.  I generally believe what I am told by medical professionals.  I have known something wasn't right for a while but convinced myself I should deal with them through conventional medicine and even therapy.  

I followed the directives for over a year and something still didn't feel right.  

Toward the end of April I saw a life coach at Shambhala Wellness.  Within moments she recommended I get blood work again.  I was referred to a foundational doctor, a doctor who looks for the cause in addition to treating symptoms.  

I am still in the process of identifying the root cause but did find out I have severe anemia.  That is low iron and it sounds simple enough.  But it isn't.  

To put it in a perspective that made a lot of sense to me, when a doctor does blood work, anything under 150 is considered "low iron".  Mine was 8.  My body was suffocating.  Iron carries the oxygen, among many other critical things.  The doctor was surprised I didn't have any infections and was still getting up everyday and functioning.  

I was referred to an oncologist.  The day I received the referral I changed my diet.  I haven't had soda since.  I am eating fruits, veggies, drinking water and getting as much natural iron in my diet as possible.  

Kale Chips

At the beginning of June I began getting IV iron infusions.  I've sought every bit of information I can devour about severe anemia.  I get the infusions at  Texas Oncology and I have a few feelings about being there because I have always equated oncology with cancer, but that is a separate story.  

I still have a few specialists to see as I continue to discover the cause of the low iron; however, I have already made great improvements.  It is such a relief to know so many of these symptoms I didn't even know were related are beginning to be removed.  Did you know iron can be connected to:

Grey hair (who knew?)

Skin

Memory & cognition

Hair loss (hence, the ugly mullet I am now sporting)

Depression-like symptoms

Lethargy and fatigue

In addition to the infusions, daily I take Vitamin D, Omegas and fill my body with nuts, berries (no twigs) and as many high-iron foods as possible.  I also meditate and do yoga stretches.  Besides removing sodas, I have also eliminated my passion for Sonic Ice.  I didn't even know until I began doing the research that low-iron ice eating is a PICA disorder.  I teach about those but never made the connection.

I am truly grateful for the answers I already have.  Knowing there is a reason for how horrible I have felt for a couple of years is nearly a miracle and look forward to updating you on my progress as it unfolds.  

#BodyMindSpirit

Intention

The song Lightening Crashes came on the radio one morning I was driving to work this week. 

A line in the song hit me, “An old mother dies, her intentions fall to the floor.” 

When life is over our intentions won’t matter. I understand they don’t matter much while we are alive, but the lyrics were powerful enough to cause me to think of this all week. 

What we actually do means something.  What we intend means little.  Today and in our legacy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxhBfYgKULs

Coconut Oil

Here goes another experiment. Coconut oil for my damaged hair. I'll let you know if I see any results. My hair has become damaged to the point of breaking in in the last year. I don't know the cause. I'm doing nothing differently as far as product or styling. The only change has been water. I'm hoping the 2 inches cut off yesterday and this product will be the cure! 

Any lengths! 

Why a Bunny?

My Sonshine asked and found out online and wanted to share:

Dear Yahoo,

How did the Easter bunny become part of a religious holiday?

Cindy Spring Valley, California

Dear Cindy:

We hopped around the Easter History category in the Yahoo! Directory, and then returned to the front page and searched on "easter bunny history" to dig up the dirt on this rascally rabbit. As it turns out, the Easter bunny has a long history as a pagan symbol that predates the Christian holiday. In fact, our sources suggest that early Christians purposefully co-opted the pagan hare to popularize their own holiday.Quite a few pagan cultures hold celebrations in the spring. It's the time of year when plants return to life after being dormant all winter and when animals mate and procreate. These festivities celebrate the renewal of life and promote the fertility of crops, animals, and even people, which was important in these agrarian communities. The Saxons believed in a maiden goddess of fertility named Eastre or Eostre (Oestre in Latin) and honored her with a spring festival. Hares and rabbits were considered sacred to Eastre because they are notoriously fertile animals. In the second century A.D., Christian missionaries tried to convert northern European tribes. To help make Christianity attractive, the missionaries turned pagan festivals into Christian holidays. The pagan Eastre festival occurred around the same time as the Christian celebration marking Christ's resurrection so the two celebrations blended into one, rabbit and all. Over time, Eastre became Easter, and the symbolism changed as well. Instead of the Easter rabbit symbolizing fertility, the rabbit maysymbolize an innocent, vulnerable creature that can be sacrificed, similar to the lamb. To Christians, these innocents are tokens of Christ and the sacrifice he made. The Easter bunny we know today was influenced by German traditions dating back to the 1500s. German children believed that theOschter Haws (a magical rabbit) would leave them a nest of colored eggs at Eastertime if they were good. Pennsylvania Dutch settlers brought this tradition to America in the 1700s. On a related note, eggs have long been a symbol of rebirth and thus associated with spring celebrations. In the 600s, Pope Gregory the Great forbade the eating of eggs during Lent (the 40 days proceeding Easter), and this helped make eggs a special treat at Easter. Many European cultures also have old customs of decorating eggs and giving them as gifts.

Who Do I Write About?

The Thing About Fear is.....

It sucks...but besides that....

Fear is paralyzing.

Fear is debilitating.

Fear is cunning.

Most of all it makes manifest the very situation it fears.  

That is the thing about fear.....

Starbucks

Note to self and a PSA to others....

Enjoy the music in your earbuds in your own head. Dancing and singing because you enjoy the tune so much you can't contain yourself doesn't amuse others in Starbucks.

Who knew?

I wonder if they would appreciate me more at Dunkin' Donuts?

The Book



"The book" was assigned an ISBN today!  What a bittersweet moment.  I turned in the workbook, Living in Consciousness, to the publisher on the due date, March 1.  I finished up my edits and put it away the night before.  It was a challenge not to open and fiddle with it again that morning, but at 10:10 AM I said farewell and sent it on the way.

I say it was bittersweet for a couple of reasons. 

First, I have been writing something since I could hold a pencil.  From the first diary my mom bought me when I was in first grade to the journals I kept throughout my drama-filled teen years and into the items I began creating as a professional...there has always been something I was "working" on.

Thursday when I was finished I cried.  They were tears I couldn't explain.  Contributing author, Tyrone Carrington, kept telling me to be happy for the completion.  He also said I could look at this as a beginning rather than an ending.  I am happy.  I was near giddy.  Perhaps, feelings hard to explain.  The duty and ownership of daily writing as the most cathartic event this bleeding author feels can't be put into words.  It was as if birthing a child.  A child carried for years. 

This isn't the first piece of work I have had published but I dare say it was the most emotionally labor-intensive.  Possibly because of the involvement of Tyrone. 

I've known Tyrone for two years and care for him in a way I have very few.  In addition to listening to and recording his emotional journey through doing the work the questions in this workbook unfolded for him I began doing my own work, as well.  Part of that journey for me has been healing that involved my relationship with Tyrone.  I needed and wanted but wasn't fully aware of what that journey would unlock. 

Bringing the workbook to publication also meant an ending.  An ending of many days and hours of interaction with Tyrone.  I knew the day would bring that ending when we began but as it crept closer I felt the weight of hesitation as much as the excitement of relief.  I found myself with thoughts like, "it will never be the same again as it is now" and "I am not sure I want this interaction to end".  I love that man dearly and will forever be changed from knowing him.  Handing our diligent work over to Kendall-Hunt for publication was as if I was handing the entirety of the relationship over. 

Such as it felt, it was.  As my unconsciousness created without my consciousness being aware, we both allowed this to be a goodbye of sorts.  The journey was intense, more intense than I could have imagined, but worth the miles.  I am a better person than I was when I began that journey, and that, I suppose, is all I could have asked for. 

ISBN:  978-1-4652-1977-0

Geocaching

Last month someone told me about Geocaching. It's basically a treasure hunt using a GPS.  There is a free app so I put it on my phone and didn't think about it again.

{The Compass King}

Until yesterday!  We had time to kill mid-day so we went to a park.  I was using my phone to snap a few pictures when I remembered....the Geocaching app!

{Our First Find}

My Sonshine started looking them up and by sundown we made six treasure finding trips.  We found two, learned that some are truly hidden and no matter what the outcome it's fun!

{Yes, even fun for mom}

We found trinkets and signed the log. 

{Signing the log at Find Two}

We've signed up at www.geocaching.com and decided on our own team name!  Let the hunts begin! 

{Findless was even fun}

The Weenie Dawgs 

Valentine's Day Mediation

February 14

Valentine’s Day

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥

Today is for lovers, and I want to be one. Not just of one person, that’s not enough – today, I want to be a lover of all humankind. To look at the great, bustling world around me and see the goodness there. I want to relish the difference in my clients, the variety that lives in each of us, the secrets of the soul and the heart, the joy and pain that set us apart from one another – yet bind us so tightly. Today, I want to love myself, warts and all. Today, no matter the provocation, I won’t think an unloving or unkind thought. I’ll refuse to be drawn into the petty meanness of office gossip or the misery of the news(paper). Let this be a step on my road to serenity. Today, I will be a lover.

 

Anonymous

 

From Parkside Meditation Series, Help for Helpers: Daily Meditations for Counselors

Quotes about Friendship

I am learning to allow myself to have more depth in friendship.   I love quotes.  And I love friendship.  Perfect combination.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”      ― C.S. Lewis

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”      ― Elbert Hubbard

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”      ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Article Published

Link:

http://www.recoverytoday.net/archive/71-december/508-like-and-accept-everyone

Enjoy!

Upcoming Seminar

Like and Accept Everyone? 

Recently someone asked me the reason I like and accept everyone.  Being the person I am, I asked them to explain by giving me an example.  They cited an example of my reception of the addicted clients I have worked with for twenty years.  Further, they said that it seems I accept all the things they say, do and believe. 

The truth, for me, is I do accept everyone. 

I believe people are going to be who they are going to be.  Moreover, I strongly disagree that it is my place in life to judge who they are.  Or to attempt to mold them into whom I believe they should become. 

Instead of the word acceptance, perhaps, that should be replaced with the word understand.

I fully understand that people are going to be a product of the environment with which they’ve been surrounded most of their lives.  I think of a colleague who told me of a client who came from multi-generational abuse of the “system”.  The client said he was unemployed but he should be getting “a check” pretty soon because he had been approved for disability.  When asked his disability, he said, “I don’t know.  My mom filed all that paperwork”. 

While that scenario may make your head shake, it might be further frustrate you to know that this client didn’t see anything “wrong” with that story.  As a matter of fact, he didn’t realize there was anyone that might.  The client didn’t know any “better” behavior because he didn’t know any different. 

Addicts who relapse in treatment or after don’t make me mad.  Christians who tell me I’m going to hell because I am Catholic don’t make me mad.  Society members who don’t know why I counsel people with addiction or tell me it is a “lost cause” don’t cause me to question my career choice.  Students who attempt to bait me into debate about a high-voltage topic in class don’t make me mad.  Actually, there aren’t many situations that do cause me to become angry.  And when I do become angry it is usually not the situation, but my mood when I am involved in the situation. 

My personal opinion?  People are innately good.  Do they always act as if they are?  No.  Neither do I.  Another opinion, less frequently than you would like to admit, if you are intent on blaming the rest of the world for your troubles, people do not intentionally attempt to ruin your life.  And if by some possibility, another person is setting out to destroy you, can they really?  I mean, can they if you don’t let them? 

So often I hear people use phrases that cause me to cringe.  Some of those:

She’s trying to make me miserable.

I have no choice.

I never, ever ______________________.

I can’t stand ______________________.

You just don’t understand.

I have no choice (yes, I put that in there twice). 

Those are places I have been before.  I understand (not accept) people truly believe what they believe.  People act out of their wiring.  Until they find the tools, information, opportunities, and reasons to behave differently, why would they?  I can tell you why they wouldn’t.

They don’t know how.

They don’t realize they need to.

They don’t even know other options are available.

No one taught them.

They don’t know anything different. 

My Co-author, Tyrone Carrington, put it in words I best understand:  “We are written this way.  Why would we be different?”  Being different requires acknowledging, owning and making a daily commitment to doing something different. 

You may wonder if that means I am co-dependent and let people walk all over me and act any way they want…while I just smile and go along. 

Not at all.  I believe in rules.  I am probably more rigid about rules than I care to be, honestly.  If I am providing continuing education to a group who have rules that state you have to teach 50 minutes of the hour in order to get a certificate of completion, that is what we do, even if they don’t want to, even if I don’t want to. 

You may wonder if that means I have no belief system of my own. 

Nope.  I have a strong belief system I live by.  I teach it to my son.  I share it with anyone who is genuinely curious about it and asks.  I vote accordingly, I act accordingly, and I live accordingly.  I just don’t ask you to.  I don’t believe my place in the world is to mold you into being me (I said that twice, must be important to me). 

How is it, you may wonder, that I understand but don’t accept all behavior.  I understand people are who they are.  So I don’t see a need to feel angry when they aren’t what I want them to be.  But, I don’t have to accept that behavior.  If there is a rule in a group that a client cannot be more than ten minutes late, I adhere to that rule.  I understand people are sometimes late, but if the rule says you can’t be, then I don’t allow it. 

In my personal life, my choice is not to involve myself with toxic people.  Even if I love them, even if I understand them, even if at one time they were close to me.  My choice is not to invite chaos in and not to allow it to remain if I spot it.  If someone consistently shows me they will only bring pandemonium into my peaceful life, I don’t continue the relationship.  I believe I get to be the one to chose how and who is in my life.  This is an example of the truth for me not liking everyone. 

Yes, there are people who I don’t like.  There are people who irritate me, people who aggravate me, people I wish were different, people I wish would grow up, people I wish would take responsibility for their own behaviors and decisions and quit blaming everyone else for their circumstances…..I understand them but don’t have to include them in my life. 

The payoff? 

I actually believe this makes my life easier.  I run my life.  I help my son make the best decisions to run his.  And that is about all I can fit on my plate.  It frees up space for serenity.  This deletes sleepless nights of plotting how I can make another person change.  It allows me to do more of the things I want and enjoy. 

I can open my mind to get to know people I might not otherwise.  I can carry on conversations and learn from people very different than me.  I can usually be anywhere, with most anyone and enjoy something about the experience.  Why?  Because I don’t walk into a room, go to a city, do work, take on a challenge that I feel I “have to”.  Instead, I chose those. 

And I don’t do any of the above in judgment of others.  And you know what I am talking about.  You know someone like this.  Or maybe you are someone like this…..they walk into a room saying, “I don’t want to go to this stupid holiday party.  I don’t even like anyone.  It is going to be horrible.  I can’t stand this.  I am never going to have fun.  I have no choice about going but I am leaving thirty minutes after we get there”.  Yep.  You know this person.  And when they walk in (because they don’t like themselves, not other people) they immediately start picking everyone and everything a part. 

Did you see her shoes?

Can you believe how fat he has gotten?

Oh, my!  He is here with her?

What kind of food is this?  It looks awful.

Did you see the dining room?  The floor looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in months.

Can you believe what she just said?

She is trying to make me mad. 

Did you see how he just looked at me? 

That is exhausting.  Stop it. 

Access Counseling Group is presenting

www.accesscounselinggroup.com

A free workshop that is built for everyone!

Communication:  It ain’t just what we say!

Remember the last conversation you had when you walked away shaking your head, wondering how that other person didn’t hear a word you said?  Have you ever wondered how much of what someone hears is influenced by what they believe? 

Many people miss the intrapersonal priority in communication.  How sizable is the influence of this on your relationships (with clients, friends, family, significant others)? 

Have you given much thought to what you think?  The reason you think what you think?  The reason you do what you do?  Why you are who you are?  Or are you living unconsciously? 

Participate in this upbeat, active & informative workshop that’s built for everyone!

The Presenters

Paula Heller Garland, MS, LCDC has diverse professional experience in addiction counseling, speaking and program design.  Paula is currently a lecturer at The University of North Texas, the #1 Rehabilitation Counseling program in the state of Texas. 

Tyrone Carrington, BAA is an up & coming motivational speaker.  With a degree in Criminal Justice, Tyrone currently works in corporate America.  His diverse experience in life, employment and education bring an exciting and captivating component to his presentations. 

Paula and Tyrone are currently working with Kendall-Hunt Publishing on Living in Consciousness, a workbook and DVD.  You will be the first to get a sneak peek into this original material.

February 8, 2013

11:00AM – 2:00 PM