Acknowledgement

The recognition of the existence or truth of something.

Doesn't that feel good? So many times in the world of counseling and recovery I have heard contradictions about selfishness. Many times I have heard that you must be selfish in order to work on you and make changes. However, I have also heard that you must be selfless and help others.

Either way, once in a while, to be acknowledged for your actions or worth is in order. It can motivate you on to greater things.

Good job.

There comes a point in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won't anymore... and who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

I can talk

Recently I realized that a situation had gotten well out of control before it dawned on me that simply speaking to those involved would have set us on our way to a resolution a long time ago. So many things have turned into more drama than needed only because no one said, "let's sit down and talk about this". Some counselors we all are.

It reminded me of a song my son learned not long after he started talking....it goes like this...."I can talk, I can talk, I don't need to squeak or squawk. When I need to say something I just open up and talk". I learn more from him than the big folks (me included)!

How about that?

More funnies

Hate Em!

www.whyihatepeople.com

Treatment Kinda Song

http://www.lyrics.com/index.php/artists/lyric/tim-mcgraw-lyrics-kill-myself

Boys

Someone sent me a great email called "Why boys need parents". It described actual events out of my life as the mother of a son......look at this photo!

Saint Mass

Today was the second grade St. Mass. The Bishop said the mass. My boy dressed as Saint William, who was a priest who stood up to the king. He was adorable. This afternoon is the Halloween party. I get to go back and do that with him! Tonight is trick or treating and the main street festival. What a great weekend.

Enjoy all Hallow's Eve.

Season Opener

Season started. Mavs fans beware.

Judgement

Do you ever feel judged? I guess we all are. I guess we all do it. I have two people in my life that seem to believe they not only know what decisions I should make but believe that treating me poorly as a result of my decisions is the right thing to do. Not to mention that neither of them have the courtesy to actually speak to ME about this. I was angry at first. Then I was hurt. One of them I have known for years. The other I don't know really well and don't like anyway so it doesn't bother me as much. Now I just feel sorry for them. When I look at their lives I am actually grateful now. They are sad, isolated and disliked by many. Maybe I should be happier that they don't approve of me, huh?

Judge and jury.

Veterans Day

Soon it will be Veteran's Day.

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life,
wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America'
for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'
That is Honor, and there are way too many people
in this country who no longer understand it.'

Nothing Bad

I have absolutely nothing to gripe about today. My work is caught up. My homework is complete for the week (and not even due until Friday). The weather is exactly the way I like it. My hair isn't even wrong.

The most bizarre thing I have found in this "wondrous day" is how much better I write when there is some chaos. Oh, the work I have left to do to be healthy. :)

Once I dated a guy who I let read my poetry. It was written my first year of sobriety. He called it "apocalyptic". He said he couldn't believe I didn't shoot myself during that time. I am surprised that I didn't either. Actually, writing is such a release for me. I think that is how I make it all make sense or get out the things that never will.

Great day.

How about you?

How about you?

I had been working a recovery program for more than five years before I embraced the idea of self-forgiveness. I was many things of the self, self-loathing, self-deprecating, self-injurious, self-defeating, but not self-forgiving.

I had the ingredients for success through attending and working a 12-step program, being honest in therapy and developing a support network. Still, there was a nagging in me that I could not seem to release. I continued believing things could be different but possibly not feel different. I attended a self-introspective program that was more in depth than any work I had previously completed. It was during these days and weeks of involvement in this journey that I began to see a need to change my approach.

For most of my life I had been responsible for the outcome of many things. Typically, I felt most responsible for the way others felt and behaved. That feeling was entwined with my feelings and behaviors. I believed I had the ability to change another person. Yet, time and time again, I failed at this task.

My first boyfriend was abusive. I could forgive him because he had a drug problem. Two of my good friends fled from my life shortly after I became sober. I could forgive them. I would have fled, too. My dad died when I was only 25. Forgiveness was easy. It wasn’t his fault. Boyfriends, family, friends, co-workers, institutions -- all forgiven. God? Check. Forgiven.

When the trainer in my group at that introspective program looked me in the eyes and said, “How about you?” My life changed. How about me? How about forgiving me for everything I had done, failed to do and would never be able to do? How about forgiving me for my deficiencies and the strengths that I tried to hide? How about allowing myself the same care, concern, and compassion as I had allowed others for so long?

How about me?

A Cup of Java....

Do you know how enjoyable it is to sit with friends and talk over a cup of coffee? At the end of a long day or on a Saturday morning? Some of the most recent fond memories I have with my mom was from only two and a half years ago. She spent most of the summer with us when we first moved into the house where we live now. The kitchen looks out onto the backyard that has a beautiful swimming pool that has a waterfall. We would sit at the table in the morning and drink coffee. It was peaceful. Just watching and listening to the water. Just being with each other.

I miss her visits. She hasn't been able to visit again like that in a while. When she was diagnosed with cancer in January her travels slowed down. I was so excited to have her here two months ago for a few days. I am looking forward to more cups of coffee. I realize that it isn't the conversations we had as much as the being together. In silence, in laughter or in conversation. I just love the "being".

Missing my mom today.

I am gonna be a bear.....

Courtesy of an email from a friend…and I love it….Thanks!
In this life I am a woman. In my next life I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate you are supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When you are a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you are a mamma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cub gets out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that.
If you’re a bear your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and have excess body fat.
Yep. I am gonna be a bear.