Friday

It is Friday. Yesterday is over.

I have heard that my cousins surgery went well. We will continue to pray for her.

Tomorrow is the holiday party I am hosting. I bought all the goodies last night. I look forward to pretending to be Martha Stewart; although, I had to call my sister just to ask where I could find something in the grocery store. Her comment was, "do you not ever go to the grocery store?". So, the secret is out. I don't go very often. But, I think I can pull it off. I am only making two things I haven't made in the past so it should work out.

We shall see.

A Day

Stress and feelings. They make me write. I am experiencing both today.

Being November 29. It is a day I would like to keep off the calendar. It produces memories that I can keep tucked away the rest of the year. The pain of death is difficult. Simply, I miss my dad.

A family member is in surgery right now. It is a long and serious surgery. It came out of the blue. I fear those situations.

Another family member is at a funeral of someone who took their own life. I question the way of the world. I question my own decisions.

The end of the day will soon come and I will rest.

I feel sad. Not hopeless.

November 29

My dad died on November 29, 1994. I guess that was the worst November 29, but they all bring back the memory.He was only 61.

He and mom just bought a house in the country and were re-doing it before they moved in. They waited their whole lives to move to the country. The last time I saw him I spent the weekend there with all my other siblings helping them work in the yard and get things done.

Then he was gone. He was at his deer lease that day. He loved it there.It was the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I had already bought his Christmas present. I still have it. That was 13 years ago and sometimes it feels like yesterday.

I miss so many things but I think the thing I miss the most is that he never knew my son. He loved being granddad and I know my son would have loved him so much. My son actually reminds me a lot him. He has the same sense of humor. It is almost like he channels my dad. Maybe he does. Maybe that is one of God's gifts to me.

My Memories on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving

It is my favorite time of the year. Thanksgiving is the gateway to the Christmas holiday in my world! Thanksgiving was uneventful yet eventful at the same time.

We stayed in town. On Thanksgiving day we went shopping and to a restaurant. Don't be sad for us. That is typical. I didn't really buy anything, just loved looking at everything. We even did yard work. My son enjoyed raking the leaves (really, he did)! We put up the Christmas lights. I did some in the backyard this year. I decided I wanted to look outside and enjoy them, too.

Friday was more window shopping and then I got to work on doing the errands around the house. I am planning a holiday party for some colleagues Saturday. My motivation to get things together is there but the follow through is difficult. I just kept wanting to sit down and eat pumpkin pie.

I even changed my car this weekend. I stayed in the Toyota family but changed the kind. I like this one better and it has better gas mileage. It feels safer and it is white, too...jut like I like. My son refers to it as the "new, new car". I told him not to get used to it because I might change my mind again and get another one next week. :)

My son and I finally got all the decorations put up last night. I enjoy that part the most. We turn on holiday music and take photos and remember where each ornament came from and things we did in the years before. We were missing a snowman that held a lot of memories for us. We decided to put him in some charity items this summer when we were cleaning. I regret that decision. We got him the first year we were in the house we built when we moved back from Germany. My son was learning to talk so he called him "go-man" instead of "snowman". The snowman was taller than him back then so he would wrestle around with him on the floor. We donated him because the house we are in now doesn't have as much space for decorations.

My son is sick today. The weather change got him! He didn't sleep all night. That means his mom didn't, either. Poor boy. He has to miss a day of school (and he doesn't want to) to go to the doctor.

Long eventful, uneventful weekend over.

Off Road

I looked up this morning and realized I had driven off the road. I wonder how long I have been off the road? Somewhere, a while back, I made a turn and didn't realize it. Sure there have been some bumps along the way and I have even had some major hits but I don't exactly when it happened. The path I have been on isn't exactly what I had planned. I have learned a lot from it. However, I am ready to put some of that knowledge into action instead of just missing the trees and the bigger bumps.

Ho, Ho, Ho!

I love the holiday season. I know it isn't even Thanksgiving, but I am already mesmerized by the Christmas decorations I am seeing in stores. I spent hours this weekend walking around in stores just looking at everything. There is something incredible and magical about this time of the year for me.

I find joy in giving, maybe that is part of it. I am also a Christian and love the traditions I have practiced all my life. I usually put up my Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving and don't take it down until the week of the New Year. Yep, I am "one of those people"....and I love it.

I even like to bake this time of the year. I love to get magazines and recipes and make things I have never made just to see if I can. Everyone arounds me gains weight this time of year because I take things I make everywhere I go. And I am usually the microwave person or queen of eating away from the house the rest of the year.

I think I am going to just go with this and enjoy it.

Ho, Ho, Ho....not Ho Hum.

Total Loss

My car was a total loss. My dream car, I might add. I wanted a white one since they started making them in 1994. Total loss.

Last week when I found out I sat about looking for a new one. When I decided that none would meet my needs I decided I would drive a hooptie and life would go on.

As soon as I decided that I could live without a car, I found a new car. It was exactly the price I wanted to pay (okay, that isn't true because it wasn't free). It was the color I wanted and it gets great gas mileage. I feel like I am saving the environment; although, there have already been comments about it looking like a wind up toy. :)

And the dealer said the words I longed to hear.....warranty. Ahhhh.

P.S. Go Spurs Go, Beat the Mavs.

Sports Update

This Saturday is the last game of soccer for the season for my son. He has enjoyed this year and done better with each game. He had a great coach and really liked his team. This weekend we are going to check out a new facility for indoor sports in our area. Gymnastics and karate have been recommended for coordination and agility. We will see.

On the pro basketball front the Spurs are looking good. And my tickets to the Mavs vs. Spurs game are secure for one week from today. Look out Mavs fans....I am on my way. My friend, Tammye is going to the game with me. She likes the Mavs. We already have an agreement that we are going to represent our teams. I wonder if this means face painting?

Photos to come!

Reconnecting

The past year has been a reconnecting for me. I have grown closer to my oldest sister than I ever have been before. I have gotten in touch with an old friend from high school, I have been emailing with a family member. Sometimes in my struggle to move forward I need to stop and remember the past.

Most of the connections have been as a result of some kind of painful event, really. A reaching out on one of our parts. Today I am grateful that I have people to reach out to and even more grateful that people think of me as a person to reach for.

I have so much gratitude today. So much more than I ever have before in my life. It is good to feel so much positive when there is so much negative going on around me.

The cup is half full.

Big God/Little Me

This is not new information. It isn't even new to me; but, just this week I have been reminded of how big God is. I have been in a situation that I could not imagine working my way out of. I had pulled out all the stops. I had plumbed the depths of my soul looking for answers and I was empty. I was out of ideas and out of the drive to move forward when out of no where....a miracle.

A miracle I would have never even thought of myself. The phone rang and I was presented an opportunity that I never would have dreamed up on my own. This isn't out of the box thinking....but out of the universe thinking. God has those ideas and I am a believer that they can be brought into my world just when the time is right if I am open to them.

The time is right.

The Good, The Bad, The Party!

Whew. It is over!

What an eventful few days. I have a little bit of unsolicited advice...never speak the words, "what else can happen next?" because you might find out!

Thursday morning while driving my son to school I had a traffic accident. I haven't done that since high school. I hit someone from behind; therefore, it is was my fault. I don't like the word fault. It causes me to begin making excuses and I turn blue because I feel oxygen deprived. Everyone was okay, though. My sweet child is so easy going and so understanding. After the shock of the accident was over he just said, "well, I guess I am going to be tardy"! I have had a lot of stiffness and headaches but otherwise, we are great.

Then the weekend came along. This was the "BIG WEEKEND" my family has been planning for months. It was my oldest sisters 50th birthday and we had a surprise party for her. Wow...have I wanted to talk about it! It has been so much fun planning and executing. My part wasn't that hard, really...but being very fearful of slipping up was difficult. But it went off without a hitch.

Friday my son and I went to my mom's house. My sister's were already there. We met my sister-in-law for some undercover operation then had lunch with my sisters and mom. Then we all headed to my nephews football game. He is a senior and an incredible player. His team won....still undefeated. I haven't been to a high school football game in years and I LOVED IT.

Saturday when the "operation" went into high gear my job was to entertain sis all day. She is the black belt shopper and we had so much fun. Since part of the little lie was getting her back to Texas by telling her I was accepting an award (for being an incredible woman, of course) on Sunday she wanted to treat me to a shopping spree so I would have plenty of outfits to pick from on Sunday. I loved them all....she bought them....I felt bittersweet knowing that I loved the clothes but had no award to accept on Sunday. Ouch.

When it finally came time to drive her to the party I was a little nervous. When we arrived I knew we had pulled it off (or that she is in the right place up in those Hollywood Hills because she is the best actress around!). She was so surprised....and even more surprised to find out that we were sending her to Italy to fulfill her dream of going back there on her 50th birthday.

So many people that I don't see often enough were at the party. Unfortunately, that setting isn't a great place to have a lot of detailed conversations so I didn't get to say as much or engage as much as I would have liked to...but I enjoyed seeing them, none the less.

And I finally met the famous Demitri. He works with the USA Olympic Luge Team. The company my sister owns is one of their sponsors so she has been fortunate enough to know him a while. He was incredible. He could run a country! I know I will be seeing him again in the future....at a world cup or at the olympics...I don't know where but he is a keeper!

I love my family. They are unique. They are wonderful.

Happy 50th, Sis.

Passion

What causes someone to misplace their passion? I hear so many people in the helping profession talk about burning out. I hear people use words like "hate" and "sick and tired" when describing their job.

It has become my passion to help people who burn out and help others keep from burning out. I remember the first time I knew I wanted to be in the counseling field. I was in second grade (no kidding)...but am very aware that I was prepared for it much earlier. I don't know of a time in my life that I haven't experienced a great need for introspection.

I love this work. I cannot imagine doing anything else. Do I get tired? Do I feel overwhelmed? Do I find some days full of more work than hours? Yes, yes, yes.

But I hope to never lose this passion for helping others. I think the chance to get to do this work is so worthwhile.

There is a great meditation I found more than ten years ago in a meditation book put out by a treatment center that is no longer around that I keep taped to my desk....

"I need to remember that my ability to counsel others is God's gift to me. Others are helped, but it must also be essentially my blessing. I am in a privileged position -- to see a spark of hope, a breakthrough in denial, some real tough honesty. Recovery. It is truly my blessing. Today I ask to be worthy of my gift."

On Fire, Not burning out.

Contentment

What a weekend! My son's soccer game was great. He is learning a lot of new skills. Then we did a few chores and then went to our favorite book store. He had his very first visit with an author and a signed book. He has read it and had me read it to him many times since then.

I got an old book by Mo'Nique called, Skinny Women Are Evil. I read a couple of chapters but it is more like stand up comedy than anything that interests me. I also got the new Kelly Clarkson CD. That I like a lot.

Then off to Six Flags we went for Fright Fest. We rode a few roller coasters and ran around a lot. My boy is a fabulous kiddo. No matter what we do we have fun together.

I had a conversation with a very wise friend this morning. He told me about contentment being "an inside job". I have been milling that over since. Our discussion also involved another thought that I had not had before.....contentment and happiness aren't the same. Hmmmm.

Much to think about on a rainy Monday.

Working Out!

Well, I am back at it. I am working out again. This is very exciting to me. I love to do it but find as many excuses as possible to avoid it. It makes me feel so good!! I got my gear together and am back with an ipod in my ear and my mind on nothing for an hour.....I have a little trouble walking right now because I am only two days into the routine....but I know the possibilities that lie ahead and look forward to them with great anticipation.

Sweatin' to Ozzy.

Weekend in LA

I am back from a three day weekend in Los Angeles. Wow, it was quick. On Thursday my sis and I decided that I would fly out there with my son and spend the weekend with her. We had lots of fun. What a great birthday gift!

We spent time on the beach, in Hollywood, at La Brea Tar Pits....and shopping...shopping...shopping. My sister has a black belt in shopping. We had a lot of fun.

The time there reminded me of why I have always wanted to live there. Now the bug is in my son to get back there again soon. He loves the beach as much as I do. He is a natural in the water. I still attribute that to my sitting in the ocean in Italy when I was pregnant and too huge to move. He loved it then, too.

And when we touched down in Dallas I was back to my life....back to my reality.

I wish they all could be California days....