VISION!

Imagine this!

Random Monday Thoughts

Well, school is underway for my boy. He didn't want me to walk him to class on his first day. I let him go alone. Although; it almost broke my heart, I attempted to allow his independence. But, this morning I think I was blind sided with a little fact of his growing up. He left his water bottle in the car so I called to him but he didn't hear me. I just whipped into a parking space and caught up with him to give it to him. I assumed he would be grateful since it is so hot and it was water, blah, blah, blah. But that isn't the experience we had. He was EMBARRASSED! He was embarrassed because I caught up with him while he was with his friends. Oh, I felt sad. He is six and a half and I gave birth to him (all ten and a half pounds of him!) and I am actually pretty cool. Oh, my. I have made him this way, you know. All this independent thinking and feeling. Oh, the woes of self-actualized thinking :)

I can't cope.

Workshops

I did two last week. One Friday and another on Saturday. Very different subjects with very different audiences. I presented ethics to current counselors and support staff at a treatment center on Friday. Saturday was a women's conference at a church near Dallas. I presented the basics of addiction. I enjoyed both.

Today I think the reality of back to school time is setting in. Today we go to buy school uniforms. One week of summer left. It is funny that I have been in school myself all summer but really feel the sting of the back to school time most when my little fellow is getting ready to go back.

Back to school blues.

Hurt Feelings

I hurt a friend today. I don't like when I do that. My feelings were hurt, I acted inappropriately. I hurt her and I wish I wouldn't have. We were able to talk about it and she says she will be okay, but I still regret my part. The more I live and grow the fewer times I hurt people because I try to live without that intention...but when it happens I think I feel worse than I did when I hurt people a lot.

Sad.

Summer....don't end!

Wow. Summer is coming to an end. Not in weather, but in time out for my boy. He will start back to school in less than two weeks. It has gone by so quickly. I feel that we haven't had enough time to do everything we wanted. But, he is ready. We get to meet his teacher next week. I look forward to seeing all the parents and finding out who is in his class this year.

Our trip to California will have to be a fall trip instead of a summer one. Time just went by so quickly...and with the illnesses that took place in the family, we adjusted some of our plans. Summer or fall, our trip to California will be fun. It is always a great place to visit no matter the season. I have been in spring, summer and fall and have loved all of the trips.

I was very busy last week. I had two speaking engagements. I enjoyed both of them. I don't usually get tired when I do those. I think that is how passion is.

This week I will put more thought into my vision board and contact the person editing my book. As the end of the week nears I will make my way to Austin for a meeting and some time visiting the family.

Mourning the passing of summer.

Roads

I am thinking of all the roads I have walked along. It seems that the ones where I have learned the most have had steep inclines, bumps and sometimes ended in heartache. I wonder why lessons are learned most affectively when injured on the path? Pain is such a motivator.

Back from Institute

Wow, what a quick trip. I left here for the Institute on Monday night at 9 PM and returned home last night (Tuesday) at 10 PM.

The people I met at the conference were great. I saw some folks I hadn't seen in a long time. I enjoyed doing my presentation.

Now, back to the office today. Then me and my boy are off to San Antonio Thursday afternoon. His three cousins are having a swim party for their birthday and he can't wait to get there.

Let the healing begin.

My Mom

Yesterday my mom went to the hospital with chest pains. Today she had a few procedures. It seems she has something similar to what my niece was first diagnosed with. What an exhausting and emotional 24 hours.

It seems we have been having a lot of these things happen lately. First my niece, then my sister-in-law in a really bad car accident. Now my mom.

I have stopped and thought about my life a lot lately. I love my family so much. I feel so blessed to have had the life I have lived and the friends and family I have. The journey sometimes feels long but it is such a short one, actually. Sometimes too short.

My dad was only alive 61 years. That is less than half of the time I have already been alive. Today I wonder....is there anything left unsaid? Anything left undone? Unaccomplished? With every breath I want the answer to be a resounding NO. I want to live life without regret.

Carp Diam.

Sick of Feedback.

I want to take a break from feedback today. I am sick of hearing so many people tell me how I should handle my affairs. I am certian they are concerned and feel that what they are telling me is in my best interest, yada, yada, yada. But today I am not in the mood. I want to remain open to significant people in my life but some of them are sick.

It reminds me of when I was pregnant and everyone thought they should tell me something about their pregnancy. Even better were the ones that gave me advice who had no children. Ha. I know I can learn something from everyone but it makes my blood boil when people think the only way you can make progress is by doing it their way.

Dr. Phil always says to look at a person's agenda when they offer you advice. I guess that is part of what I need to do.

Digging my heels in.

Friday, Friday, Friday!

Yippee. It is Friday. I am often off on Friday in the summertime; however, this week I am in CEU's. So, I even "work" tomorrow. Time away from my son. I don't like that part. Otherwise, the CEU's have been going well.

In one week I will be at the yearly family gathering at the camp we have been going to since before I was born. We get a great big cabin across from the pool and natural spring. You can see the mountains and river out the windows. I really enjoy it. All the kids love getting together and playing until they can't run anymore. The fresh air and family are just what I need right now. And one great thing about the location is that no cell phones work there. Oh, yeah!

TGIF?

Sick Baby

My little man is sick today. I have been up with him since 3:30 AM. I don't like how helpless I feel when he is sick and I can't make it any better. He usually just wants me close to him. That's how I still feel when I don't feel well. I just want my mom close by. I guess that never goes away.

Going back to cuddle my lil' guy.

Bad Day?

Phew! What a day. What a week. Car trouble, AC trouble, too much to do, too little time. I am ready for midnight so it can be over.

Tired!

I can die happy!

Okay, it is official. I can die happy. I am presenting at a conference the last week of July/first week of August that has been a leading conference in the addictions field in Texas since I got in the field 15 years ago. But that isn't the "die happy" news. Claudia Black, Delbert Boone and Carlton Erikson are presenting at the same conference. Okay, now I am having an anxiety attack.

Whew.

July 1 Already!

It is so hard to believe it is July. That sounds cliche, but it is true. The summer is flying by. My little pumpkin is with his grandmother right now. I saw him this weekend and he is having fun. They are busy doing "country stuff". He has gone to a peach orchard, helped make jelly, gotten veggies from the garden and is feeding the birds and squirrels. He assured me he loves me and misses me even though he is having fun with grandmother. He knows exactly what his mother needs!

I went to San Antonio again this weekend. This time I was keynote speaker for a drug court. It went well. The co-worker that went with me said I did well...but I didn't have that "out of the ballpark feeling" I sometimes get when I think I do well. I was a little nervous, which is very unusual. But, that is okay.

I like this time of the summer. I would like if it would stop raining long enough to have a swim once in a while. But, I know the bigger picture with rain in our part of the world. I know the more it rains the less likely we will have a drought and be in the triple digits for days on end.

Always reasons for the rain.

Workshop Complete

I just got home from the state conference in San Antonio. I presented at a difficult time. It was the last class before dinner. It was also pushed back from a late running earlier speaker. That made a few people a little difficult to deal with in the workshop; however, I enjoyed myself.

In addition to the conference I got to see a lot of family members. I enjoyed a night on my own...sleeping sideways in the bed! But the next night got to witness my sister taking three of our neices and my boy swimming. Then we all stayed in the hotel room. What fun it was.

Now my little dumpling is staying a few nights with his grandmother. The house isn't the same without him here. So, here I am, up at 10:45PM watching David Letterman. Of course, it doesn't hurt that my big dumpling, Tony Parker is going to be on tonight!

Needing a Siesta after San Antonio.