From an Email

A 92-year-old, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a verbal description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. 'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. 'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.''That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. 'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged, it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.

'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.'

Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred.2. Free your mind from worries.3. Live simply.4. Give more.5. Expect less.

This Guy

Someone I have known for a while got in some trouble yesterday. I don't know him very well but think I might call him an acquaintance. The news bothered me. I prayed for him and I do wish him the best. I think of all of his success and realize how one situation can overshadow that in an instant. I hope the outcome is the best possible.

Thinking about you.

Four More!

Newsflash: When I begin my next class on September 1 I will have only FOUR CLASSES left!!! I am psyched. My graduate degree is so close to completion. I will not stop this time. I am loving this program and I am glad I made the decision to change to an addictions program from general psychology. My focus will be on locating a good PhD program next. My preferred location will be Hawaii!

Aloha!

No Love for the Haters

For years I have struggled with people pleasing. I have to say that it has aided my ability to get involved in organizations and committees that I have obtained a lot from. However, recently I was in the middle of a situation where someone I have known for many years became angry at me and distanced herself. She has ceased all communication (even stuff I need for a job we do together). This is the conclusion I have reached:

I was really rude to her. I really was. However, the things I said were exactly how I felt. I even apologized. I understand that apology doesn't excuse a behavior and I understand that excuses only help the person making them feel better. I have inventoried some things and I see where I was wrong and will work to make things different in my interactions with people in the future. This is the third time such a situation has taken place and the real lesson I learned is that I have run behind her and tried to make her like me again. As long as I have known her I realize that I walk lightly around her because she cuts people out and throws them away without second thought.

Many lessons: One, I can't make everyone like me. Two, I don't need to because I like myself. Three, it isn't healthy for me to have a friend that I can't be myself around or who won't forgive me for being human. Four, the farther I go toward my dream the harder the struggle becomes.

The struggle toward my dream has been ongoing since second grade (really). I will continue to strive and achieve my dream. A dear friend has warned me that as I strive to reach my goals and get closer to them I will encounter more "friends" who aren't supportive of me. I see that people are judgmental and not everyone wants me to reach my goals. In my heart I cannot understand why people are that way, but I do understand that it is true. That is sad. But, I am not going to exert a great deal of effort proving my worth to those who cannot find their own worth. I am going to move ahead side-by-side with those who see my value and stand in support of my growth.

No love for them today.

Wednesday

My son didn't want to go to school today. He has prayer service on Wednesday and he has to wear a 'stiff' shirt that itches. I told him how grateful he would be for this one day and then I realized I am my mother.

I began my new job on Monday and I have been enjoying it a lot. There is so much to do and the days pass quickly. I stayed up until 11:00 last night working on some documents after my son went to bed. I must enjoy the work because I am usually ready for bed before him!

Wild Wednesday.

Flowers

A friend brought me these dasies a while back. She just stopped at my office and said she wanted to tell me she was hoping I was having a good week. I had to take a picture of them before they died in my kitchen window because it was one of the sweetest things a friend has ever done.

The Tiger

A new friend!

The New Zoo Review

The New Zoo Review? Do you remember that? I think I am getting old.

This is a photo from a visit to the Zoo we took this weekend. My son wouldn't feel complete if I didn't tell you about the white tiger he made friends with. I have to include that photo in the next entry.

Roar.

Ozzy Rocks!

Yesterday was my son's first day of school. It was an eventful day. The week leading up to it was busy, as well. Each day we had at least one appointment to make. We saw the doctor, optometrist, dentist, hair stylist, uniform fitter, tailor, you name it -- we got it done.

He let me walk him to his classroom this year. If you have known me long you will know what a win this was for me. Last year he announced his independence and didn't want to be walked inside anymore. I told him I wanted to this year since he was beginning a new school. He allowed me to go to the door of his classroom but wanted to go in on his own. That was a compromise I could deal with.

When I picked him up I had a CD in the car for him of a tree house story book on CD. The author's last name is Osborne. He said he was happy to have it since it was written by Ozzy's wife. His dad will be so happy to hear how much influence he has on him!

Rock on!

Crabby

I have this theory. I am currently experiencing the reality of it so it is not just a theory in my world.

When you catch crabs from the ocean you can put them inside a cooler or a bucket but you don't have to put a lid on them. If one of them try to crawl out the others will pull them back down.

How often we do that to one another as human beings. I am continually surprised by folks in the counseling field who deal have the most moving groups, workshops and sessions. They often tell their clients to move forward, believe in themselves and keep dreaming of future goals. Some of them are the same counselors who want their peers and colleagues to stay stuck and not advance.

My dear friend Jennifer just told me that I might experience some of that as I move forward. Two days later....I am the crab trying to climb from the bucket and I can feel those pincher's at my heels.

Really crabby today.

Mid-Week

Today is the middle of the week and the middle of the month and the middle of my life. Dramatic? So am I.

I attended my first HIV Outreach workers conference in Austin this week. It was great. I am not sure what I expected but I really enjoyed it. It was a Mardi Gras theme. Tomorrow I go to the TAAP state conference in San Antonio. The TAAP conference is a "state fair" theme. That should be interesting.

I love conferences. I love training. I love learning. I love growing. But I don't know that I want to do all of them at once.

In transition.

I am, because I am.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!

I hate them sometimes. I wish someone would make them for me. I realized today how fear drives my inability to make some of them. It is funny how I can make decisions everyday and sometimes I let the small ones bog me down. Whew. I am crazy.

Nuts.

Cancer Update

My mom got a great report. There is much shrinkage of the tumors. They are going to keep watch over it, though. Apparently this kind of cancer comes back. Right now she is finished with chemo and radiation.

During our visit this weekend she got out all of her hats, scarves and wigs. My great neice is in this photo when she tried one on. She looks like a gypsy, don't you think?

Thank God for big miracles.

Real Sign

This is really a sign near where I live. There is a Hooter's that just bought and started remodeling next door to their current restaurant. Seriously funny.