Sometimes I get funny ones. This one was it.
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter....
Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX
February 19, 2008
February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day
February 14. The day created by hallmark to sell stuff or the day to open your heart to love? Good question.
My mom met with the two doctor's who informed her about chemo yesterday. She will have another scan tomorrow and will meet with more doctor's about the final diagnosis. To say I am scared is an understatement. She is strong. She has been a rock in my life. I am going to respect her privacy and not blog about her much. I just want to say today that my heart is full of love for her.
Today she can be my valentine.
My mom met with the two doctor's who informed her about chemo yesterday. She will have another scan tomorrow and will meet with more doctor's about the final diagnosis. To say I am scared is an understatement. She is strong. She has been a rock in my life. I am going to respect her privacy and not blog about her much. I just want to say today that my heart is full of love for her.
Today she can be my valentine.
February 12, 2008
How do rumors get started?
Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear or are about to repeat a rumor.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three.""Test of Three?" "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.
The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?""No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary...""So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three.""Test of Three?" "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say.
The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?""No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary...""So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
February 11, 2008
A Cup of Java
I had lunch with an old friend today. We have so much history. I hadn't seen him in about two years but have talked over that time. He is the kind of person that I can pick up with like we never spent anytime a part.
It was this month 15 years ago when I got into the counseling field. I took a job at a women's prison. He joined the counseling staff at a sister prison soon after. I became friends with him and his two room mates quickly. After I transfered here he came a few months after. We were room mates for a while and I later became room mates with his mom.
We both got married and had kids. He has changed careers and I have changed jobs. But sitting with him today caused us to talk about "old times" and all the people we have crossed paths with over the years. We talked about one of his old room mates that both of us would like to find. We talked about one of my old boyfriends both of us would like to not find. We talked about the dreams we had back then. We talked about how time changes us.
I talked to him on the telephone the night before I decided to be sober. He was there for that rough first year. He was there for some high times and low times.
We talked about my mom being sick. I lived with him when my dad died. He came in when I was on the phone. It was the first time I had cried in front of someone other than my family. He was there for a lot that has gone on in my life.
It is nice to have friends who know your past...not just because you tell them but because they have gone through it with you....that was a good visit. I hope it isn't two more years before I see him.
I am sure Dan Fogelberg could have written a song about our friendship.
It was this month 15 years ago when I got into the counseling field. I took a job at a women's prison. He joined the counseling staff at a sister prison soon after. I became friends with him and his two room mates quickly. After I transfered here he came a few months after. We were room mates for a while and I later became room mates with his mom.
We both got married and had kids. He has changed careers and I have changed jobs. But sitting with him today caused us to talk about "old times" and all the people we have crossed paths with over the years. We talked about one of his old room mates that both of us would like to find. We talked about one of my old boyfriends both of us would like to not find. We talked about the dreams we had back then. We talked about how time changes us.
I talked to him on the telephone the night before I decided to be sober. He was there for that rough first year. He was there for some high times and low times.
We talked about my mom being sick. I lived with him when my dad died. He came in when I was on the phone. It was the first time I had cried in front of someone other than my family. He was there for a lot that has gone on in my life.
It is nice to have friends who know your past...not just because you tell them but because they have gone through it with you....that was a good visit. I hope it isn't two more years before I see him.
I am sure Dan Fogelberg could have written a song about our friendship.
Struggle
I have noticed that people seem to engage in struggle more than it is necessary. I talked to my mom this morning and told her that I am finding less need for struggle. I can recall times in my early twenties when I would stand with my head in my hands wondering why God wanted me to struggle. I don't want to struggle with anything, but most importantly, I don't want to struggle with things that are not important enough.
Just this morning I was faced with a phone call that caused me to "go into action". Then I stopped. I realized how unimportant to the grand scheme of my life that issue was. I have many important things in my life today that may be worth a struggle. But this one is not one of them. I am grateful for the ability to stop in the midst of chaos, collect my thoughts, seperate my thoughts from my feelings, listen to the advice of others I trust and move forward. Without struggle.
The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
Just this morning I was faced with a phone call that caused me to "go into action". Then I stopped. I realized how unimportant to the grand scheme of my life that issue was. I have many important things in my life today that may be worth a struggle. But this one is not one of them. I am grateful for the ability to stop in the midst of chaos, collect my thoughts, seperate my thoughts from my feelings, listen to the advice of others I trust and move forward. Without struggle.
The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
February 05, 2008
February
February. The month of love? Things have changed so much in life...I have been running at a high rate of speed in the last few months....I have been brought to a hault.
My mom is sick and I feel helpless. My problems aren't big problems compared to that. We just found out on January 25 and today we find out the final diagnosis. We will also be told what the treatment options are. Please pray for her. She is one of the strongest women I know. She is positive and prayerful.
Tomorrow is lent.
My mom is sick and I feel helpless. My problems aren't big problems compared to that. We just found out on January 25 and today we find out the final diagnosis. We will also be told what the treatment options are. Please pray for her. She is one of the strongest women I know. She is positive and prayerful.
Tomorrow is lent.
January 02, 2008
December 29, 2007
Saturday
This is a very unusual day for me. My son is with his grandmother this week while he is on holiday from school. I am alone and cannot remember the last time I was. When I got home last night I realized how much I miss him. His laughter and chats are remarkable. I can't wait to get him home.
Today I saw the movie Charlie Wilson's War. It was eye opening. Then I went to Bath and Body Works. That store is becoming a favorite of mine. I love to smell everything in there. I got a gift card for Christmas so I used it on a few items I needed. Now I am at the library. Afterward I will go to the grocery then home. I am not sure what I will do when I get home but I hope to find something, as I have the rest of the evening.
Tomorrow I am taking a drive to a funeral about 200 miles from here. I don't like death. I know that life is preparing us for it, but that doesn't make me like it. It brings to mind the people I miss and the emptiness that is there when they leave.
When I get back to work and "regular life" after the first things will be fast-paced until the NOVA conference at the end of the month.
Enjoying and questioning the silence.
Today I saw the movie Charlie Wilson's War. It was eye opening. Then I went to Bath and Body Works. That store is becoming a favorite of mine. I love to smell everything in there. I got a gift card for Christmas so I used it on a few items I needed. Now I am at the library. Afterward I will go to the grocery then home. I am not sure what I will do when I get home but I hope to find something, as I have the rest of the evening.
Tomorrow I am taking a drive to a funeral about 200 miles from here. I don't like death. I know that life is preparing us for it, but that doesn't make me like it. It brings to mind the people I miss and the emptiness that is there when they leave.
When I get back to work and "regular life" after the first things will be fast-paced until the NOVA conference at the end of the month.
Enjoying and questioning the silence.
December 27, 2007
Happy New Year!
I am back from my Christmas travels. What an eventful time that was.
When we left on the 22ND we were on an interstate that had an earlier accident. It took us 9 hours to travel what usually only takes 4. We took a pit stop at a McDonald's and witnessed two kids who had been shoplifting next door being held at gun point inside. Whew.
We attended mass as we usually do on Christmas eve. I am so proud of all that my son has learned in his school. He can do the entire mass. He is even saying some of the Hail Mary prayer in Spanish now.
Christmas eve was at my brother and sister-in-law's house. My sister-in-law is a version of Martha Stewart and can whip up an outstanding party in a minute with a kernel of corn and a grain of rice. We had a great time there.
Santa came and brought my son everything he could have wanted.
Christmas day was with my dad's family at my mom's house. It is always too short but a lot of fun to see everyone. I made it back home without my son. He is staying a week with Grandmother. He is having fun.
Looking forward to my sister visiting tomorrow before she heads back to L.A. We will probably do a lot of "girl stuff"! That will be fun.
I look forward to 2008 being a great year. I am making plans for it to be.
Plan for great things.
When we left on the 22ND we were on an interstate that had an earlier accident. It took us 9 hours to travel what usually only takes 4. We took a pit stop at a McDonald's and witnessed two kids who had been shoplifting next door being held at gun point inside. Whew.
We attended mass as we usually do on Christmas eve. I am so proud of all that my son has learned in his school. He can do the entire mass. He is even saying some of the Hail Mary prayer in Spanish now.
Christmas eve was at my brother and sister-in-law's house. My sister-in-law is a version of Martha Stewart and can whip up an outstanding party in a minute with a kernel of corn and a grain of rice. We had a great time there.
Santa came and brought my son everything he could have wanted.
Christmas day was with my dad's family at my mom's house. It is always too short but a lot of fun to see everyone. I made it back home without my son. He is staying a week with Grandmother. He is having fun.
Looking forward to my sister visiting tomorrow before she heads back to L.A. We will probably do a lot of "girl stuff"! That will be fun.
I look forward to 2008 being a great year. I am making plans for it to be.
Plan for great things.
December 20, 2007
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
I have one appointment left at work and then the holiday celebrations can begin. As I have said so many times before, I LOVE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!
Today is my son's class Christmas party (and yes, we can say Christmas...he is in a Catholic school)! I can't wait to go to that. I love helping in his classroom.
We are going to pick up a few things at the $200.00 store afterward (that is what we call the mega-super-dooper-stores) to stuff in the stockings he is giving his friends in his class tomorrow. I am going to make a quick grocery store run so we can have a nice home cooked meal tonight after we stuff the stockings.
Saturday we are going to a Six Flags Holiday in the Park event. I can't imagine how cold it will be riding a roller coaster this time of the year. But, hey, I did it when I went to Disneyland Paris in February 2000!
Then the family fun begins. Christmas Eve is always at my brother's house with mom's family. Christmas Day is at mom's house with dad's family. I love tradition.
I am off to finish my shopping right now. I hope I have time before the class party to get it all done.
Have a very merry Christmas and hopefully I will get to say hello again before the new year.
Blessings.
I have one appointment left at work and then the holiday celebrations can begin. As I have said so many times before, I LOVE THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!
Today is my son's class Christmas party (and yes, we can say Christmas...he is in a Catholic school)! I can't wait to go to that. I love helping in his classroom.
We are going to pick up a few things at the $200.00 store afterward (that is what we call the mega-super-dooper-stores) to stuff in the stockings he is giving his friends in his class tomorrow. I am going to make a quick grocery store run so we can have a nice home cooked meal tonight after we stuff the stockings.
Saturday we are going to a Six Flags Holiday in the Park event. I can't imagine how cold it will be riding a roller coaster this time of the year. But, hey, I did it when I went to Disneyland Paris in February 2000!
Then the family fun begins. Christmas Eve is always at my brother's house with mom's family. Christmas Day is at mom's house with dad's family. I love tradition.
I am off to finish my shopping right now. I hope I have time before the class party to get it all done.
Have a very merry Christmas and hopefully I will get to say hello again before the new year.
Blessings.
December 17, 2007
Winter Wonderland
It is Christmastime!
Last week the weather changed to just below brr. My son and I wrapped up on Friday after he got out of school and went to the grand opening of a movie theatre in our area. We saw Alvin and the Chipmunks. Since it was the grand opening all the Chipmunks were there. I got some great photos of him with them. The entire town square was all decked out. Santa, a drummer girl, a winter princess, horse and carriage rides and even someone singing carols. It was a great night. When we got home we finished his nativity scene for school and snuggled under the covers with warm socks on!
On Saturday he went to his favorite play center while I finished up the shopping. I don't know why I thought Saturday was a good shopping day. When I got home and he gave up looking for the presents I bought him we wrapped a few and went to bed.
On Sunday the backyard was covered with frost. We baked brownies and had a lazy morning. In the afternoon we went to the big Opryland hotel near our house and spent four hours looking at the beautiful sights. We visited Santa (the third this year!), Mrs. Claus and the reindeer, a gingerbread house and all kinds of other holiday things. Last night we watched a Christmas cartoon before bed.
A great weekend.
Last week the weather changed to just below brr. My son and I wrapped up on Friday after he got out of school and went to the grand opening of a movie theatre in our area. We saw Alvin and the Chipmunks. Since it was the grand opening all the Chipmunks were there. I got some great photos of him with them. The entire town square was all decked out. Santa, a drummer girl, a winter princess, horse and carriage rides and even someone singing carols. It was a great night. When we got home we finished his nativity scene for school and snuggled under the covers with warm socks on!
On Saturday he went to his favorite play center while I finished up the shopping. I don't know why I thought Saturday was a good shopping day. When I got home and he gave up looking for the presents I bought him we wrapped a few and went to bed.
On Sunday the backyard was covered with frost. We baked brownies and had a lazy morning. In the afternoon we went to the big Opryland hotel near our house and spent four hours looking at the beautiful sights. We visited Santa (the third this year!), Mrs. Claus and the reindeer, a gingerbread house and all kinds of other holiday things. Last night we watched a Christmas cartoon before bed.
A great weekend.
December 12, 2007
Training
I just got back from Laredo. I did two days of training for a company there. It was great. I wasn't sure what to expect but I loved it. The company was great. It was a wonderful group of people and Laredo was much bigger than I thought. I even went across the boarder to Mexico and bought the little guy a sombrero.
Adios.
Adios.
December 06, 2007
Go Spurs Go!
I just have to say...all my Mavs fan friends. This message is for you...and don't pretend you don't deserve it.
Okay, so, some of the things I heard PRE GAME yesterday were that the Mavs were going to "walk all over the Spurs"....that Tim Duncan being out was going to be a major set back. I think mention was even made that with Manu having a hurt hand we were in trouble. Hmmm....let's see. Who won? Was it a down to the buzzer, nail bitting game? HA. You see? Three time champions vs. Never been champions. Makes a difference.
And the bet my co-worker and I made this time is so much better than the last. Our bet this time was to put up a Christmas tree in the office decorated in the colors of the winning team. Oh, black and silver will be BEAUTIFUL.
There you have it.
Okay, so, some of the things I heard PRE GAME yesterday were that the Mavs were going to "walk all over the Spurs"....that Tim Duncan being out was going to be a major set back. I think mention was even made that with Manu having a hurt hand we were in trouble. Hmmm....let's see. Who won? Was it a down to the buzzer, nail bitting game? HA. You see? Three time champions vs. Never been champions. Makes a difference.
And the bet my co-worker and I made this time is so much better than the last. Our bet this time was to put up a Christmas tree in the office decorated in the colors of the winning team. Oh, black and silver will be BEAUTIFUL.
There you have it.
Busy Days
Today I have a work related audit at the office. Although, they never seem as painful as my mind can make them, I don't look forward to them. I am ready today.
After work I am going to swing by the mall and see if I can pick the Christmas cheer up again. And perhaps, a few gifts, as well.
Friday will be devoted to doing the work I have not done while preparing for this audit.
Saturday I have to begin getting my things together for travel. Saturday afternoon I pick my California sister up at the airport and we head to watch our nephew play football. He is a senior in high school and his team in undefeated. They are playing the last game before the state game!
Since all the family will be there (both sisters, brother, nephews, mom, son, etc.) we are going to stay in the same hotel. On Sunday we will have breakfast together then make a run for it.
Sunday I will drive my sister back to the airport. I will drop her off and head for the other airport here to catch a flight myself. I am going to South Texas to do some training. I leave Sunday and will return Wednesday. I love training. That is something exciting to look forward to.
Adios.
After work I am going to swing by the mall and see if I can pick the Christmas cheer up again. And perhaps, a few gifts, as well.
Friday will be devoted to doing the work I have not done while preparing for this audit.
Saturday I have to begin getting my things together for travel. Saturday afternoon I pick my California sister up at the airport and we head to watch our nephew play football. He is a senior in high school and his team in undefeated. They are playing the last game before the state game!
Since all the family will be there (both sisters, brother, nephews, mom, son, etc.) we are going to stay in the same hotel. On Sunday we will have breakfast together then make a run for it.
Sunday I will drive my sister back to the airport. I will drop her off and head for the other airport here to catch a flight myself. I am going to South Texas to do some training. I leave Sunday and will return Wednesday. I love training. That is something exciting to look forward to.
Adios.
December 03, 2007
Party Is Over
Party was fun. I made all the food myself. I am proud of that....but I am not signing up to replace Martha Stewart. The weather was so nice we sat around the pool. I am glad because on Sunday it got cold again and now we are having winter.
There are many changes coming in my life. I am sure I will write about them soon. Today I am just going to think a little more and pray a lot.
Enter Winter.
There are many changes coming in my life. I am sure I will write about them soon. Today I am just going to think a little more and pray a lot.
Enter Winter.
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