Aziz Ansari - Right Now!

This Vanity Fair article describes the professional crisis faced by Aziz Ansari in 2017, when he was accused of sexual misconduct. Ansari was one of many brought to light during the #MeToo movement. 

Released July 9, 2019, Right Now, shows Ansari discuss his choices and the related emotions in the aftermath of the allegations. 

Rotten Tomatoes called Right Now "funny, thought-provoking, and touching". Ansari made the choice to discuss his almost-lost career through his craft - stand up comedy. His choice of venue, dress, and demeanor were a departure from the norm. In past performances, Ansari played to large, well-lit arenas and dressed in a tuxedo. In Right Now, you will see more intimate surroundings - dimly lit, small venue, eye contact, and engagement with the audience. 

Topics in past performances were about immigrant parents, relationships, and food. Addressed in this performance include many controversial topics: the #MeToo Movement, his interracial relationship, the lack of Indian role models on television, race relations in the United States, and other pertinent social issues. 

I hope viewing this film will push buttons, possibly make you laugh, and hopefully cause you to contemplate the issues we face, as a society, today. 

Uncomfortable conversations are necessary. 

Talk to one another. 

50 Life Lessons

On Saturday I celebrated a significant birthday. Birthdays often bring a time of reflection into my life. I have thought a lot about how content I am and the reason is the life lessons I have learned through life experience. I posed the age-old question to myself: What words of wisdom would this 50-year old me share with a much younger me? The much younger me would likely not have listened, but I digress.

 1. Life is short.

 2. Spend time with your parents. When they are gone, they are gone.

 3. Travel. The world will enrich your life and broaden your views.

 4. Children want your time, love, attention, and acceptance more than any material you can offer.

 5. Use moisturizer.

 6. Laugh more.

 7. Have lunch with your friends. The laundry will be there when you return home.

 8. Get over it. If you need to move on – do it. Lingering is a painful waste of time.

 9. Even if it is expected, the loss of a parent is life-changing. The loss will become a demarcation line.  

10. Don’t focus on the things you do not like about another person. The small habits you dislike are not worth trying to change.

11. Get a dog much sooner. There is no love more unconditional.

12. Find a career you love. Waking up eager to go to work is more important than accumulating wealth.

13. Anger isn’t really anger. Find out what the real feeling is about.

14. Feel your feelings,  no matter how difficult, or how uncomfortable others are with their own feelings.

15. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people is a game changer.

16. Take care of your health. You only get one body.

17. Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect and few people expect you to be.

18. Stress can kill you.

19. Don’t play into chaos. There are very few real emergencies in life.

20. Having a child will change your life and it will be worth every moment.

21. Be present in the moment. When the moment is over you can never have it back.

22. Tell people how much they mean to you while you have the chance.

23. High school is but a brief moment in time. While you are there, it may feel like nothing will ever be as important, but that is untrue. Life after high school will be amazing.   

24. Don’t burn bridges unless you are completely finished. Some bridges need to be blown to smithereens.

25. Big decisions do not have to be made immediately.

26. Worry serves no positive purpose.

27. It is okay if do not please everyone. Make decisions you can live with.

28. Work is important, but don’t give so much energy to your work that you only have leftovers for the people you love.

29. Slow down.

30. Say no to things that do not fulfill you.

31. Everything will be okay.

32. Stop waiting for someday.

33. What others think of you does not matter. Live with integrity. Resting without regret is more important than how others feel about the way you live your life.  

34. Send handwritten cards.

35. Do more of what you love.

36. Laugh a lot.

37. Seek to understand. Everyone is different. All beliefs have merit.

38. Drink more water.

39. Every person you meet has a story.

40. Shame is unnecessary and only holds you back.

41. All your feelings are valid.

41. You do not know everything. Even when you are well-informed, you can still learn. Stay teachable.

42. You have one life. Make sure each day is spent working toward your ultimate desires.

43. You cannot change things that have already happened. Regret is pointless.  

44. You will not change another person. Stop trying. Change your expectations, accept it, or leave.

45.  Alcohol does not solve problems.

46. Spend time improving things you can change and less time upset about the things you cannot.

47. Blood does not mandate loyalty. You are not obligated to endure toxicity.  

48. There are four times a day you can easily make a positive impact on the people in your home. 

• Saying good morning.
• Saying good night.
• Saying goodbye each time they leave.
• Saying hello each time they come home. 

49. Say I love you.

50. Garden. Putting your hands into the earth will ground you.

50 is going to be amazing. 

My Obligation on 9/11

September 11, 2001

18 years ago.

I will never forget this date. Each person in my inner circle remembers, as well. For some, 18-years is a lifetime. 

To put that in perspective, high school seniors were not alive on September 11, 2001.

I feel obligated to share my experiences with those who may not have been there. The world changed that day. There will always be a pre and post 9/11. 

I share my experiences and feelings in order to help those who were not there to never forget. 

Peace

Networking

I am often asked how to create relationships or widen employment opportunities in the counseling field. I wrote this for my upcoming students. 

Woven throughout the 4 Domains, one can appreciate the need to be aware of resources available to people with Substance Use Disorder. Resource Directories are less plentiful now than prior to the advent of the internet. Addiction Professionals are wise to collect resources to access for client referrals.

To begin collecting resources, consider these tips:

First-hand Experience

Take note of organizations when a client, family member, friend, or colleague mentions them and follow through with your own research. Visit the website, place a phone call, or set up a meeting with the community outreach representative for the organization.  

Attend Networking Events

Attend networking events to interact with others in the profession. Gather information about organizations and people.

The Texas Association of Addiction Professionals (TAAP) has chapters throughout the state of Texas. Many of the chapters host monthly networking events or periodic symposia.

Attend Conferences

Not only will you have an opportunity to gain new information about current issues and trends in addiction counseling, you will have an opportunity to network with colleagues and organizations. Many organizations exhibit at these conferences and provide a plethora resources and professional connections.

Conference exhibitors collect business cards. By providing your business card you will likely be entered into an email distribution list and will electronically be connected with many resources.

TAAP’s State Conference on Addiction Studies and the NAADAC Annual Conference are considered quality and well-attended annual conferences.

Volunteer

Volunteer for conferences, events, or professional boards. There are benefits to professional service work, beyond networking. Often, by volunteering for a conference committee, volunteers are offered free or discounted entry into the conference. Yes, students are welcome to volunteer. Why not get connected now? For those with upcoming practicums, internships, or job search – this is a way to find available positions.

Build Relationships

Once you have established networks, build those relationships. We are much more likely to feel comfortable providing a client referral to people with whom we are connected.

Public Speaking and Presentations

Chose a Substance Use related topic to cultivate into a presentation. Become well-versed on the topic. Offer to make presentations at no cost. Explore options for where to make the presentation.

Your existing network

Inform those in your network of your presentation. Ask them for leads.

Community

Contact churches, synagogues, temples, and mosques.

Consider reaching out to schools, PTA groups, or after school programs.

Professional Associations

Look for Call for Presenter applications for upcoming addiction conferences.

Contact Rotary Clubs and local hospitals.

Listen

Listen to those in your profession and community to ascertain what people seem to need and where opportunities lie.

Business Cards

We live in an electronic world, but business cards are still effective. Always carry your cards with you. Do not leave a professional conversation without exchanging cards.

Follow up

After you have made a new contact, follow up with a quick email. Create a template so following up is less of a chore.

The Netherlands

Hallo!

We began our month-long trip to Europe in The Netherlands. We stayed in a Townhouse in Uithoorn, a quaint community with many restaurants and shops. We journeyed into Amsterdam, where we took a canal cruise and explored the city on foot. One of our favorite excursions was visiting Zaanse Schans, a town preserved in history. We saw many original Windmills and even learned how the Windmills work and the purposes they serve. The Zaan region dates back to the 18th century and is responsible for building Amsterdam.

Flowers from the Townhouse Garden in Uithoorn

We enjoyed a boat ride on the Ijsselmeer Lake to the Former Island of Marken. There, we participated in a traditional cheese tasting and were entertained by a local clog maker.

Windmills at Zaane Schans

Wooden Clogs

Boat Ride on Ijsselmeer Lake

Before we headed back to Amsterdam, we were treated to a Dutch Waffle making lesson - complete with a taste. We fell in love with the yumminess and had to buy a pack to take with us.

Cheese Factory

Cheese Factory

The boys enjoyed the local fare of Kibbeling (a Dutch Fish snack) and Dutch Shrimp. I did not venture out of my comfort zone food-wise. I had pizza.

Amsterdam

The Former Island of Marken

A few days in Northern Germany are up next.

Vaarwel!

Questions About the Addiction Profession

Each semester I ask my students to provide me any questions they would like to have answered. I do my best to answer as many as possible and are relevant to the coursework or the profession. Here are a few I have received this semester.

Why isn't porn addiction in the DSM? 

Likely due to disagreement and evidence. Professionals have attempted to have pornography and sex addiction entered into the DSM on many occasions. Professionals disagree about these being addictions. Insurance companies likely come into play here, as well. The DSM is not a set tool. As soon as one is published there is another version being worked on. A win with the DSM 5 is that "Behavioral" addictions were added. Addiction is a relatively new field of study that is lacking the "proof" (documented research). 

How can I learn about the biology of addiction?

RHAB 3975 and RHAB 4075 address the biology of addiction. 

What happens to babies born addicted to drugs?

First, that terminology is inaccurate. Babies are not born addicted to drugs. Instead, they are born "exposed" to drugs. Based on this question, I am unsure if you are wanting to know if the baby is taken from his or her parent; if the baby has physical issues; or something else? I would be happy to provide more information with that clarified. But, as a short answer...it depends on many factors. Some babies born exposed to drugs are healthy. Some have lifelong consequences (physically and socially).

Will all of the information you share be posted on Canvas?

I will post the course content. I have audio recorded my lectures in the past in order to capture the other components. If that is a desire I can do that again. 

Have you ever considered writing a book?

I wrote a workbook for a class and I am adding to it. The workbook is about self-exploration and communication. I have considered writing a guidebook for interactive group activities and I have thought about capturing information from professional experience but have not followed through with that thought. 

How do you work with clients who do not want to recover?

The most important part of counseling is helping a client with what he or she does want, rather than what we (the clinicians) wants. Therefore, helping a client who we view as not wanting recovery is the same as a client we view as wanting recovery. We ask the client what his or her goal is and work from there. Even a client who is sent/required to attend treatment likely has something he or she can get out of the experience. Working from that place helps decrease the resistance and will get all parties to a much more desirable place than pushing the client to want something he or she verbalizes undesirable. 

I would love to hear other questions or other thoughts/answers. 

An Interesting Thing About Pain

I look back at my blog history and see the transition from painful struggle to fruitful health. In the deepest, darkest despair, it seems I have been most prolific and creative. There are years my posts exceed 100. Other years there are only a handful.

I still love to write. But pain pushes my pen through valleys in a way I have yet to achieve in times of great happiness.

I have much to learn.

Anyone who knows me is exceedingly aware of my fascination with the rapper Eminem. I have hear so many people comment on his work (I take umbrage with this sentiment, by the way.) saying his music was better when he was on drugs. To me, that is akin to liking a person better when they are in pain rather than in celebration of health. Maybe he has the same issue as I. 

Sometimes when your life has been so filled with darkness, the shadows are more familiar than the light.

I have much to learn. 

From Brene Brown

If your faith asks you to find the face of God in everyone you meet, that should include the politicians, media, and strangers on social media with whom you most violently disagree. When you desecrate their divinity, you desecrate your own, and betray your humanity.

If you are offended or hurt when you hear Hillary Clinton called bitch, whore, or the c-word, you should be equally offended and hurt when you hear those same words used to describe Ivanka Trump or Kellyanne Conway. 

If you’re offended by a meme of Trump Photoshopped to look like Hitler, then you shouldn’t have Obama Photoshopped to look like the Joker on your Facebook feed.

Successful dehumanizing, creates moral exclusion. Groups targeted based on their identity—gender, ideology, skin color, ethnicity, religion, age—are depicted as “less than” or criminal or even evil. The targeted group eventually falls out of the scope of who is naturally protected by our moral code.

There is a line. It’s etched from dignity. And raging, fearful people from the right and left are crossing it at unprecedented rates every single day. We must never tolerate dehumanization—the primary instrument of violence that has been used in every genocide recorded throughout history.

~ Brene Brown 

Autoimmune Support Group

I was rebellious. I did not want to do what it was going to take to make the major diet changes you told me about. I believed you when you told me the results would be worth it, but I didn’t want to go through the discomfort change would inevitably bring. 

Fast food was easy. Processed food was addictive. Sodas were my lifeblood. I was in a hurry. I was too tired to plan for meals. 

I finally did it. 3-weeks ago. 

I am no longer bloated. My body does not ache. I haven’t needed a nap. My mind is more clear. I am not as hungry as I was before. I’ve lost 13 pounds without trying. 

Thank you for being patient with me while I proved to myself that my own way was not working. 

Hard Headed

Forgiveness

When we begin doing our emotional work, we often find that the ones we blame for our pain do not hold the key to our healing. 

Finally, after the healing and realization that our parents did the best they could with what they had...and that they never intended to do anything less than the best...we forgive them and form an amazing adult relationship. 

By the time it takes us to realize our parents were only human - with faults as well as remarkable qualities - so much time has gone by...