You Are My Sonshine

I found out I was expecting you in May, but I knew long before I even imagined you growing inside of me, the primary reason I was put on earth was to be your mother. Since the day I found out about you, I have been writing to you.  I hope you don't mind, just once, if I share this entry.  These will only be a few of the photos I have saved. 

 

The two of us in Rome 3 months before your arrival

You will begin your last day of school at ICCS in just a few hours. Your last day of 8th grade.  You've seen me reflecting and reminiscing in the last couple weeks.  I have looked at thousands of photographs and felt so many different emotions.  Cliche as it may sound, it feels like yesterday that you started kindergarten. It honestly feels as if I just blinked and you have grown from the little 5-year old in kindergarten at St. Monica, into this remarkable young man getting ready for high school.

               

You have always enjoyed learning

        

In spite of weighing in at 10 1/2 pounds when you arrived, you have always been my baby. Now you tower over me.  Still, I remember the days I could hold you in my arms and snuggle you up.  You called me meme and I called you bebe.

    

                         I practiced attachment parenting before it was a "thing"

One of your first attachments, apart from your parents, was to a big stuffed rabbit. He went everywhere with you.  Once I accidentally left with him in my car.  I think your dad wanted to pin a reminder on my shirt daily after that so I never let you go without him again. You have also loved your cousins and enjoyed running a million miles with them anytime you can.

   

       There is "wabbit" sliding with you           With your cousins at Easter

There are so many decisions I have made in your life that have impacted you - decisions I often pray are the best.  I didn't want for you to have a mom and dad that divorced. I pray a great deal that you experience the least negative impact possible from that decision. You have a great dad who has decided, with me, that we will co-parent and provide you a role model of mature adults, even though not married, working together for the best for their child.

          

                                                    You will always have us both                        

We were so far from home when you were born.  Sometimes I wonder if that is the reason you still have such a sense of adventure and never hesitate to grab a suitcase without asking where, when I say, "let's go somewhere!"

                                                          Frankfurt, Germany

You embrace your faith in a way I am so proud and impressed.  You even encourage me to be closer to God.            
           

       

       Father Bomba at your baptism

Not having your grandmother here causes me sadness once in a while.  However, she was with you so often during the first nine years of your life, I know you still have that bond in your heart. She jumped on a plane and headed to spend one month with us as soon as you were born (do you think she is where I got my sense of adventure?) and that didn't stop after we moved back to the states. 

    

Always with you

You have grown into a wonderful young man I am so proud of. You are so bright, kind, and witty. I enjoy our in-depth conversations, traveling with you, listening to you process thought, and goal-building for your future. I am thankful to you for wanting me, still at 14, to be part of your daily activities. 

    

Always the witty kiddo

I am blessed to be your mother.  I wish you the best in high school.  I pray you dream big, continue to be involved in the extra-curricular activities that you love and trying those that look a little interesting.  

         

                              Boogie Boarding                                                 Basketball 

Football

     

                                                Mathematics                                 OAP

     

                                                                     Calculator 

     

                                       Science                                      Even Soccer

You are my sonshine, my only sonshine.  You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know boy, how much I love you.  Please don't take my sonshine away.

Lessons from Church

The homily in mass today moved me to tears. Tears of joy, that I am blessed to be a mother and that I loved my own mother dearly.

I learned about:

Unconditional love. We love because we love. We ought not put conditions on our love, being exclusive only when someone believes as we do, votes as we do, belongs to the same clubs as we do.

Patience. Sometimes it's important to just shut up.

Humility. Ego steps forward. Humility steps back. I do not need the spotlight.

Joy. We can have joy and happiness in our emotions. We can also have joy and happiness in our psyche. But, to hold joy and happiness in our heart, is the space of God.

Mother's Day is such a bitter-sweet time for me.  I stood up and allowed the love of God, the other parishioners and my sweet sonshine to pour in when Father Khoi prayed over the moms.  I also shed a few tears that my mom is not here with me.  After mass I went to the chapel and lit a candle for mom.  My sonshine asked me the reason I was crying.  It seemed hard to explain. I value every moment I had with her on this earth.  I know I will see her again.  I live in this moment and love every bit of being a mother to him.  But, once in a while, I miss her.

Happy Mother's Day
(posted one day late)