Disappointment

dis·ap·point·ment (disəˈpointmənt)noun. the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations.

That sums it up.  I am disappointed.  I attempt to keep my expectations low in order to avoid disappointment; however, I suppose I had some recently.  A friend, one I considered close, disappointed me. He made a disappearing act.  The actual disappearance doesn't surprise me, but his timing does. There was no precipitating circumstance, no notice, no explanation.

I can believe this isn't about me. I can believe I might be better off without a friend who doesn't support me. I can even believe there are better friends in store.  However, I struggle with the departure void of explanation.  Scream at me, accuse me of something I may or may not have done. But, don't just close the door without giving me cause. Especially, while we are in the middle of a conversation. In the middle of making plans.

Does this say more about him than about me? Without a doubt. Will I be better in the long run without "friends" who behave in such a juvenile manner?  Absolutely.  But, in the short term I am left with a few tears.  I am scratching my head attempting to make sense of something that isn't sensible.

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

By now I should be so damned beautiful.