Thrown Away

As if it's been thrown away

Hopes and dreams

My soul

feels crumbled up and discarded

By the same one who promised to treat me gently if I let him in

And he did

for so long

Then the moment came when I was without barrier

And said those sweet words

of love and forever

That's when he decided

I might not be enough

Admitting I may never be

Causing my worst fear to come forward

And there is nothing I can do

Nothing I can say

To change my value in his eyes

He wants me to believe the words he shared were real

Only days before deciding I may never make him happy

He spoke words of love, longing and lifetime

Suddenly without warning he stole them all back

And my heart is breaking

My heart is lying on the floor in a pool of tears

I keep asking the same questions only to have them unanswered

I am screaming out

"HOW DID WE GO FROM THAT MAGICAL PLACE....THAT PLACE OF BLISS AND FOREVER to here"?

Overnight

and "WHY, OH GOD, EXPLAIN WHY DID HE HAVE TO TAKE ME DOWN THAT ROAD WHERE I FINALLY TRUSTED WITHOUT QUESTION only to break my heart into little pieces"?

Fighting the reaffirmation that I can't believe in men

That nothing lasts forever

And that I will never be enough......

The Optimist's Creed

I need this today. I hope you like it, too.....

by Christian D. Larson

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Echoes From the Past

Echoes from the past

I held my breath when he told me "we need to talk"...

I hold my breath each time anyone tells me "we need to talk"....

Because....

Of fear

Of past talks

Of the urgency to run

Of the knowing

...truly knowing

Even when it's only a lie I continue to tell myself....

That he's going to say

It's over

It's not working

It's not enough

You're not enough

You'll never be enough

No you'll never be enough

Enough

And I create pain to feel

When it's not even rational

Or true

But that's not what he says

Not this time

Not last time

Not anytime

It's just me in my head hearing echoes from the past

01-05-2012

PHG

Love

I saw this image on one of my favorite facebook pages (http://www.facebook.com/MyExceptionalLiving) and I started thinking....What holds us back from the expression of love when it's human nature to possess? What is the reason so many people guard against the one thing we all long for? Fear is the common denominator I hear in conversation. Excuses not to love, be loved or express love sound like a symphony of angst, a cacophony of trepidation: "I'll never let anyone in again", "I'll never forgive her", "I'm not going to be hurt again in this lifetime", "If I say it and he doesn't say it back I'll be embarrassed", "What if I say it and they break my heart later"? No doubt these are rational thoughts. Haven't we all had them from time to time? But to live in them? To what end? Loneliness, bitterness, baggage and walls? We keep people at bay believing we are protecting ourselves but in the long run aren't we really losing out? I'm not talking about running amuck, taking what I can get when it's given. I'm talking about real, pure, grown-up expression and demonstrations of a feeling coming from inside. This is my personal decision: This time around I'm not going to hold love hostage. I'm going to, with consideration of others hearts, say the things I'd like to say each day, even when I'm afraid of sending out unreturned emotion. This is life. My one and only life. If I've got passion, warmth and love in my heart, my commitment is to express it freely, without expectation. Regardless of what comes back, at the end of the day I want to lay my head down knowing you never had to wonder if I loved you. I do.