Anger

I am angry right now. I feel justified in my anger. I have been taken advantage of. On top of that when I expressed my anger the response was a little similar to "look what I have done for you"! My unhealthy brain tells me to say, "screw it" and take off. My healthy brain tells me I have very good communication skills and I am a very strong woman. I know I can handle the situation diplomatically, calmly and in a healthy way. So I will.

Typically when I feel that kind of anger come up inside of me it is not because of what has been done to me but that I allowed it. My response is usually not that of a victim that believes something to be unfair because I do not like the idea that I do not have control over something.

So that is where I am now. Trying to decide what is just, what is my responsibility and what I do have control over. When I answer those questions I will take action. Until then I am going to sit with this feeling and work through it to a resolution.

Some days I wish I weren't healthy. Then I could just stick a pencil in someones ear and feel good about.

Ciao.

Spring Break

What fun he had on Spring Break. My son was down south for the entire week. When he got back on Friday night he kept hugging me and sitting right beside me. I like that! I am so happy he enjoyed his time away but I am very glad he is home.

My week alone reminded me how much I enjoy being a mom. I feel so blessed to have him.

In about four weeks we will move from our house into a small space. I have been looking forward to this for a while. I am getting excited about getting into a new place....especially being so close to his school. We are making plans for his summer break now. There will be football camps, basketball camps and the lake camp he loved so much last year. We will also go on a couple of long weekend trips and one bigger vacation.

Planning....

Since 28 January 2009

That was the "big day" for me. The day I decided to make some lifestyle changes. The day my doctor said I had some stuff out of whack in my blood and thought my heart was off-beat! Since then I have remained faithful to a new eating plan that includes high protein, low carbs, little sugar and fat. I was also put on a supplement routine and exercise was encouraged.

I have done well with eating better. I did well with the supplements until about ten days ago when my hard head won out. I hate taking pills. I tried putting them in with my protein shake and I liked that less. I will just learn to take them even if I don't like to.

I started an exercise routine one month ago (14 February 2008). I am doing a combo of walking and jogging. I hear I might work into jogging the whole way. Close to three miles is as far as I have gone but I am really encouraged because exercise has not been a normal part of my life -- ever.

My battle is with not getting on the scale everyday. If I do that I will become obsessed and end up in some treatment center for an eating disorder, I am sure. (Not that the time off in a spa like atmosphere is something I would oppose :) ! ). I know how much weight I have lost because I stop by my doctor's office about once a week to use the scale there because it measures BMI, muscle and water in addition to pounds. I like that because I can see something in the results I have not looked at before.

This is a "one day at a time" kind of journey. Who would have thunk it? Me changing? And doing it one day at a time?

Six and a half weeks of one day at a time....