Determine Your Attachment Style!
Disclaimer: This is not an official or therapeutic screening or assessment instrument. It is just a list of multiple-choice questions to help you better see your own patterns.
Choose
the answer that feels most true for you in close relationships (romantic,
friendships, or family). Keep track of your letters!
Instructions:
For
each question, choose A, B, C, or D.
At the end, the letter you selected most often points to your dominant
attachment style.
1.
When someone I care about pulls away emotionally, I usually…
A. Give them space but check in with care.
B. Worry about what I did and feel anxious until things feel okay again.
C. Feel relieved and retreat even more.
D. Feel torn—I want to reach out but also want to protect myself.
2.
In a relationship, I feel most uncomfortable when…
A. Communication is unclear.
B. I feel like the other person is drifting away or losing interest.
C. Someone needs too much from me emotionally.
D. Things get too close or too distant—it’s hard to know what’s safe.
3.
When conflict happens, my instinct is to…
A. Talk it through calmly and find a solution
together.
B. Panic, overthink, or try to fix the issue immediately.
C. Shut down, withdraw, or take a lot of space.
D. Go back and forth between pushing in and pushing away.
4.
When someone expresses affection toward me, I usually…
A. Feel valued and respond openly.
B. Love it—but also worry they may take it away.
C. Feel pressured or overwhelmed by the emotional closeness.
D. Feel confused, part of me likes it, part of me doesn’t trust it.
5.
My biggest relationship fear is…
A. Miscommunication or drifting apart slowly.
B. Being abandoned or not being enough.
C. Losing my independence or being smothered.
D. Being hurt by someone I let in.
6.
When I need support, I usually…
A. Reach out comfortably.
B. Reach out quickly and strongly.
C. Try to handle it alone.
D. Struggle—I want help but don’t fully trust it.
7.
When my partner or friend isn’t responding, I think…
A. They’re probably busy.
B. Something is wrong—I may have upset them.
C. It’s fine, I’ll catch up with them later.
D. Not sure if I should worry or pull away.
8.
In relationships, I tend to…
A. Balance closeness and independence.
B. Seek a lot of reassurance and closeness.
C. Value independence over closeness.
D. Swing between seeking connection and avoiding it.
Results:
Count
your letters.
The letter you chose the most often points to your dominant attachment
style.
What
Your Answers Mean
Mostly
A’s → Secure Attachment
You’re
comfortable with closeness, independence, and healthy communication. You give
and receive love with ease and tend to build stable, supportive relationships.
Mostly
B’s → Anxious Attachment
You
crave closeness and connection but may worry about abandonment or rejection.
You may overthink, seek reassurance, or feel easily triggered when
relationships feel uncertain.
Mostly
C’s → Avoidant Attachment
You
value independence and may feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. You
might pull away during stress or feel overwhelmed by others’ needs.
Mostly
D’s → Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
You may
feel conflicted about closeness—you want connection but find it hard to trust.
You may alternate between seeking intimacy and pushing people away.
Listen to an episode about this topic on the Life Lived Better Podcast. Episode 144: Attachment Styles
